Amadoda aseMars, abafazi baseVenus ... Ngexesha elinye incwadi enegama le-psychotherapist uJohn Grey yenza inguquko yangempela kwiingqondo zabantu. Impumelelo yakhe ecacileyo yachaza nje: yathintela kwingxaki ebaluleke kakhulu yobudlelwano bobubele - ukuhambelana kwendoda kunye nomfazi. Ngaba ngokwenene sihlukile? Ungaziqonda njani ukuba uhambelana nomlingane? Yaye njani ukufezekiswa ngokuvisisana nolwalamano? Inqaku lethu lemihla liya kuhanjiswa kwiimpendulo kule mibuzo neminye.
Ezihlukeneyo: ukuhambelana phakathi kwendoda nomfazi
Inyaniso yokuba iGrey encwadini yakhe yokucacisa ithathe imifanekiso yamaMartians neVenus, akukho into eyenzekayo. Ukubhekiselele kwiiplanethi ezahlukeneyo kunokucacisa ngokucacileyo uhlobo lwaloo mahluko aphezulu phakathi kwamadoda nabasetyhini. Kodwa ekubeni ezo zesini zisezintlobo ezifanayo zezinto eziphilayo, iimeko ezahlukileyo zikhoyo kwizengqondo zesini.
- Okokuqala, siyabona ngeziganeko ezahlukeneyo. Amadoda abona imeko ngokubanzi, kwaye abafazi baqwalasela ngakumbi iinkcukacha, bajolise kubo.
- Okwesibini, abasetyhini banomdla kwaye banengqondo, ngoko abaqondi ukukhutshwa kwabantu kunye nokubanda. Ngamanye amaxesha ukungabikho kokubonakalisa kwangaphandle kwemvakalelo yowesifazane kunokutshintshwa nje nangokungabi namkhethe kunye nokunyaniseka komlingane.
- Okwesithathu, kwindoda eninzi, inkqubo ehamba phambili yokuqonda ulwazi yindlela ebonakalayo. Nangona abafazi banomsebenzi ofanayo owenziwa yinkqubo yokuphicotha. Ngako oko ilizwi elidumileyo lokuba amadoda athande amehlo, kunye nabafazi abaneendlebe.
- Okwesine, sineengcamango ezihluke ngokupheleleyo: ziqondakala kumadoda kunye nokufuzisela (intuitive) kwabasetyhini.
Ngoko kuvela ukuba imilinganiselo eyahlukeneyo kunye nezimpendulo kwimeko enye kubangela ukungaboni kakuhle kunye nokuxabana phakathi kwabantu abanothando.
Yintoni ukusebenzisana?
Abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba ukuhambelana kwendoda nomfazi kuhambelana ngokupheleleyo, xa ixabiso kunye neembono ebomini zihambelana ne-100%. Enyanisweni, oku akunjalo ngokupheleleyo. Ukuhambelana nokuzimisela komlingani ngamnye ukuba afunde iindlela ezifihlakeleyo zomnye nomnye, fumana ulungelelaniso kwaye usombulule iingxaki eziqhelekileyo. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, isekelwe kwimvakalelo yothando kwaye ixhaswa ngokufana neminqweno, imikhwa, iimbono. Kodwa nangona iqabane lakho lihambelana ngokupheleleyo, unokwenza umtshato oqinileyo kunye naye, kunye nemigudu.
Ungaziqonda njani ukuba uhambelana nomlingane?
Umbuzo unzima kunye neengcebiso ezivela kwiimpawu zeenkwenkwezi eziqhelekileyo kuwo awuyi kuphendula. Enyanisweni, akukho migaqo ecacileyo yokuhambelana-ngoko yonke into iyodwa. Kodwa ukuthetha ngokubanzi, kunokwenzeka ukubiza amaqabane adibeneyo abanobambiswano kwezobudlelwane bezesondo, banokuxabiseka ngokomoya, baqonde, bahloniphe kwaye baphulaphulelane. Ngamanye amagama, unokuba yinkcubeko eyahlukeneyo yenkcubeko kunye nentlalo, kodwa ngokuthandana nomtshato mnye. Ukuba kwezinye iindidi awuhambelani neqabane, oku akuthethi ukuba awuhambelani. Kulula nje ukuba uqale usebenze ekuphuculeni ubudlelwane kwaye, mhlawumbi, uya kufumana uxolo. Kodwa ukuba inzondelelo enjalo isuka kuphela kwenye yamacandelo, ngoko kuyafaneleka ukuba ucinge ngokucacileyo ukuba kutheni ufuna ubuhlobo obunjalo.
Ukuhambelana nendoda nomfazi othandweni: Indlela yokufezekisa ukuvisisana
Cinga ukuba uthetha iilwimi ezahlukileyo kwaye uya kufunda ulwimi lwesithathu lwangaphandle, oluya kuba luqhelekileyo kubo bobabini. Ngoko kubudlelwane: kubalulekile ngothando, olulwimi oluqhelekileyo, ukuthetha ngezidingo zabo, ukwesaba kunye namava, ukuzinikezela kwiimbono zabo ebomini.
Ukongeza, omnye kufuneka akwazi ukusebenzisa ngokufanelekileyo umgaqo "wokuchasa". Ngokomzekelo, wonke umntu uyazi ukuba izidalwa zenyama zifuna umnqweno. Ngoko ke, nangona unomfazi oshishino ophumelelayo, ecaleni kwendoda yakho ibe khoboka kwaye ukhokele kuyo. Oku akuthethi ukuba ufuna ukuzenza kwaye utshintshe uhlamvu lwakho. Thatha njengolwazi olutsha lolwazi. Ukuba uya kuba mncinci kunye nesetyhini kwithuba elithile, awuyi kugxininisa kuphela ukubaluleka kwintanda yakho, kodwa uya kukwazi ukubona indima yomgcini wendawo yokulala kuyo yonke intokazi.
Kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu - kuthetha nomlingane wakho. Musa ukuxoxa ngeengxaki zemihla ngemihla, kodwa nizinikelelane kwizicwangciso zenu, nihlanganyele ngamava. Funda ukuveza iimfuno zakho ngokusobala, ngaphandle kokufihla emva kokungaqondani kunye namatyala. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukwakha ukuthembela kubudlelwane kwaye ufunde ukuvula. Ungesabi ukubonakala ungenangqondo okanye ubuhlungu. Umlingane onothando uya kuhlala efumana ukuqonda novelwano. Emva koko unokuqiniseka ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ukuhambelana okupheleleyo kwendoda kunye nomfazi akuyiyo inkolelo, kodwa inyaniso enhle.