Ukuze uhlolisise kwaye uhlalutye iimpawu zengqondo zomama kunye nentombazana yentsha, siqale sihlalutye nganye nganye, kwaye siza kugxininisa ekusebenzisaneni kwabo. Okokuqala, sihlalutya iimpawu zengqondo zabantu abaselula abaneminyaka engama-12 ukuya ku-15, kuquka ukunyamekela ukuziphatha kwimizuzu yamantombazana, siya kubona indlela ukuzithemba kwazo, ingcamango yobomi, ukuziphatha nokuguquka kwengqondo.
Iyiphi ixesha lokuguquka? Sonke siyazi ukuba le yithuba lokuthiwa "gxuma ukususela ebuntwaneni ukuya ekubeni ngumntu omdala," kwaye ayikwazi ukufana nabantu abahlukeneyo. Kodwa kulo nyaka akukho kuphela ukukhula komzimba, ukuguquka komzimba kumzimba, kodwa kunye nokuguqulwa kwengqondo kunye nentlalo.
Ukuba ulandela uFrud, ubuntu bomntu buhluke kwiindawo ezintathu: mna, yona, kunye ne-super-I. Kuyinto engacacanga kwengqondo yethu, yonke imvelo, into esifana ngayo nesilwanyana, i-super-ine, kunye nenye, isazela sethu kunye nemilinganiselo yokuziphatha, oko kusishukumisela ukuba senze izinto ezinkulu. Ndingumlamli, ubuso bethu bokwenene, obuhlala becinezelwa ngabanye. Into ekhethekileyo yobutsha kukubunjwa kwe "I" yangaphakathi, ukuchongwa komfanekiso omtsha. Umntwana okhulayo ufuna ukuzitholela ngokwakhe, ukuba azi kakuhle ubuchule bakhe kunye nomlingiswa wakhe, ukugqiba isigqibo kweli hlabathi. Kule ndawo kunye nokukhangela inyaniso, ngokuqhelekileyo izahlulelo zobuxoki malunga nento ejikelezile, maximalism.
Iintsholongwane zisoloko zivame ukutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo - ukusuka kumdala omdala, ukuqonda nokuchaneka, ukuya kumntwana kakhulu, ukuguqula imizwelo esuka ekudleni ukuya ekudandathekeni, ukutshintsha izinto ezithandayo kunye nezinto ezithandayo, oko kukutsho, ukuzijonga. Ngokuqhelekileyo ulutsha luzikhethela igunya elivela kwiinkwenkwezi, abahlobo, abazali, ngokugqithiseleyo isithixo - esinokudala kunye nesilumko, ukuziphatha kwakhe kukuqala, inomdla kumntwana oselula. Ngaphandle komntu ozinzile, owenziwe kakuhle, abantwana abaselula bayenza isampuli ngokwabo kwaye bahlengahlengise indlela abaziphethe ngayo, ithoni yezwi, isenzo kunye nesimo sombuso. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ezi nkqubo zenzeka zingekho phantsi.
Kwakhona isici esiza kuba sisisigxina esikhulu, ukuphakama okukhulu, umnqweno wokuma, ukubonakalisa sele sele wenziwe ngokwabo, okufunyanwa kwintsholongwane ekhulileyo. Kunjalo kubo ukukhusela izimvo zabo, kungekhona ukunika ubundlobongela kwaye bahlala bexela oku, bagxininisa ukubaluleka kwabo.
Yingakho iintsholongwane zihlala zijamelana neengxaki zokuzithemba ngelo xesha, ngokuqhelekileyo ziphantsi. Bazimisele ukunyanisekisa yonke into, kubandakanya ukusilela kwabo, ukugweba ngokubonakala kwabo kunye neempawu zabo ezingabonakaliyo ngokwabo, kodwa kwimbono yoluntu. Ukuzigxeka kunye nokungabikho kwengcamango yakho kubaluleke kakhulu kwiintombi, njengoko banokukhathazeka ngokubonakala kwazo.
Into ephawulekayo yamantombazana asetsheni iya kuba ngumnqweno wokuzimela, umnqweno wokulahla ukugcinwa kwabazali, ukukhulula ngokwabo ekulawuleni. Ngokufanayo, amantombazana ahlala ezama ukukhupha abantu abadala, ngelixa enengxabano engamanga. Ukubhema, imimoya yokuphuza, iziqholo ezininzi, izambatho zabantu abadala, ukuchitha imali, oqhagamshelwano bokuqala ngesondo - yindlela abazenza ngayo ukuze bajonge. Kubo, umnqweno wokuba ngumdala ukhangeleka kakhulu, kuba abantu abadala baqondwa njengabantu abanikwe amandla kunye nokuvunyelwa.
Enye yezinto ezibalaseleyo iziganeko zobugwenxa obubi, inqanaba eliphezulu lokuzikhupha. Ekubonakalisweni kobugwenxa, abantwana abaselula banokufunda kubazali babo kwaye bayayikopisha kwinqanaba elincinane. Ukuba ngaba abazali bahlala bexabana nomntwana, sombulula ingxabano ngokuxinzelela, igunya kunye nobugwenxa, ngokukhawuleza umntwana uza kufumana indlela efanayo yokuziphatha. Ubunzima, utshintsho olubukhali kumlingani, umnqweno wokuba umntu omdala kunye nokungathí sina kuphawulekayo kumantombazana asetsheni, ngoko ke, bahlala benengxaki kunye nonina.
Ukuba sithetha ngeempawu zengqondo zomama ngeli xesha, konke kuxhomekeke kubuhlobo bakhe kumntwana, uhlobo lomlingani wakhe, ukukwazi ukujamelana nobunzima kunye neengxaki. Kwabaninzi oomama, ukukhathazeka kukuba umntwana wakhe, intombazana, evela kwithenda kunye nomncinci omncinci uba ngumnye umntu. Kwaye nangona abaninzi abazali beqhelana neziganeko zexesha lokuguquka, kusengumxininiso kubo ukuba bagcine imeko enjalo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abazali bafaka imilinganiselo engafanelekanga yokukhulisa, bahlwaye abantwana ngenxa yento abanikelwa ngayo ngokwemvelo, baveze ingcinga yecala. Oku kuziphatha kungenangqiqo kwaye kunokukhokelela ekuhluphekeni kwengqondo kumntwana.
Ubunqabileyo bobudlelwane bokamama nomntwana ngeli xesha kukungqubuzana kweengcamango ezahlukeneyo malunga nesithuba esisekuhlaleni kwengqondo. Umama ufuna ukwazi okungakumbi ngomntwana, ukuba asondele kuye, xa intombazana imxoshe kuye kwisithintelo sayo sengqondo esondelene nayo kwaye ivalwe kuyo.
Iimpawu zengqondo zomama nentombazana ziphikisana, kodwa unokujamelana nazo. Qaphela inkqubela yomntwana wakho, umdumise, umncede ukuba asinde ubunzima bevebusha, kodwa ungagqithwanga - makakucele uncedo, kodwa kufuneka azi ukuba unokuhlala uthembela kuwe kwaye ufumane uncedo olufanelekileyo, oluncedo. Uchitha ixesha elingakumbi kunye, ubukele iifilimu, uhambe, uphumle ngaphandle kwendlu, unike umntwana iinkqubo ezahlukeneyo zenkcubeko. Qaphela ukuba wayehlala evakalelwa ukubaluleka kwakhe nokubaluleka, okuyingqayizivele kunye nokuzikhethela.