Umhlangano wentlanganiso kunye nomhlobo wobutsha, esiye sahlala sikhohlile; ngxamiseko kwendlela; intetho kubaphulaphuli abangaqhelekanga; "umama" okanye "utata" wokuqala omlindelwe emlonyeni womntwana - ezininzi iintsuku zonke zivusa iimvakalelo zethu. Sinamahloni ngabo, besaba ukukhangela ubuqhetseba ukusuka kwicala, sizibambe kwaye sicinge ukuba sibalawula. Noko ke iimvakalelo zithatha ngokuphindaphindiweyo.
Imigangatho emibini
Mhlawumbi inyaniso kukuba sakhula kuluntu apho ukukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho - "ukuzilawula" - bekusoloko kuthathwa njengelungileyo. Ukuzithiba, njengomlindi oqaphileyo, uyasikhumbuza njalo: akulungile ukuziphatha ngokukrakra, awukwazi ukubonisa ulaka lwakho ngokucacileyo, kufuneka ufihle uloyiko lwakho, ukhuphe uvuyo kunye novuyo. Nasiphi na isenzo esichukumisayo sengqondo singabonakala singalunganga, sihlaziyeke, sichasene kwaye sibonwa njengobonakaliso bethu buthathaka. Akukho zimbalwa ezininzi: luvuyo okanye uxhalaba olwenzeka ngabantu abaninzi abaye beemeko ezithile. Ngoko, kuyinto engokwemvelo ukukhalisa kunye kunye neengoma zengoma kwibala lebhola okanye kunye kunye nomfono weTV, apho ingqungquthela ye-tsunami igxotha ulwandle oluluxolo. Kodwa, zithi, ukudansa eofisini ngexesha lokukhuthazwa, ukulibeka ngenyameko, alwamkelekanga - njengoko lingamkelekanga kwaye livule ngokucacileyo intlungu yabo.
Ukuzithiba okunzima kudala intuthuzelo engqondweni yethu: ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo yeemvakalelo ezincitshiswayo (i-short-term-time emotion experience) kunye nokuyilawula. Kodwa ngexesha elifanayo ukuzithiba kubangela ukukhungatheka, ukudala igalelo eliyingozi phakathi kwento esivakalelwa ngayo nendlela esiziphatha ngayo.
Abo banemiphefumlo yabo engxaki yokuphila, ngamanye amaxesha bazama "ukugwityisa" ngoncedo lompilisi oyimangaliso. Abaninzi basola ngokwabo, ngokweengcamango zabo, ngobubele obuninzi babo babazali, "abangazange bawaphume". Kodwa abo kunye nabanye abazi okanye bayalibala ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo ebomini bethu. Siyabulela kubo, sichaza "okwenyaniso" kwaye sicaca kwabanye abantu. Ukongezelela, iimvakalelo zibalulekile ukuze sisinde. UCharles Darwin waphakamisa okokuqala ukuba ukubonakalisa imvakalelo kunokubaluleka kwemvelo-. Nasiphi na isilwanyana esivela ekuzalweni sineemvakalelo ezibonisa ulwazi malunga nenjongo yomnye umntu, kwiimeko ezinzima, kunceda ukuba wenze ngokusemandleni ngaphandle kokucinga. Ngaloo ndlela, ukunyanzelisa iimvakalelo zethu, sizibeka esichengeni, kuba ngamnye wabo udlala indima ekhethekileyo.
Uloyiko
uyasichazela ngengozi yangempela okanye ecingelwayo. Ubamba into ebalulekileyo ebomini bethu okwangoku. Ukoyika kungekuphela nje ukuthatha ulwazi, kodwa kunika nomzimba imiyalelo: iyalela igazi kwimilenze, ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuqhuba, okanye kwintloko, ukuba kuyimfuneko ukucinga. Njengomthetho, ukwesaba kuvuselela amandla ethu, nangona ngamanye amaxesha umphumo wayo uphelela ukuba uyaphikisana nathi: uyasiphazamisa xa sigqiba njani ukuqhubeka kwimeko ethile.
Nomsindo
maxa wambi udideke nobudlova, abenokubangela. Ngokuqhelekileyo, le mvakalelo ihlanganisa umntu xa ekhankanya ukuba ayithathwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo (kwaye abanye abantu bahlala behlala nale ntliziyo). Kodwa ingqumbo ingaba kwaye iluncedo: ibangela ukukhululwa kwama-hormone egazini (kubandakanywa ne-adrenaline), kwaye ke, banikezela ngamandla amakhulu. Emva koko sivakalelwa ngamandla, sinesiva nesibindi. Ukongeza, umsindo usitshela ukuba siye ngaphaya kwelokuba singakwazi ukuyeka ukuzilawula - ngandlela-thile, ithatha indawo yokubonakalisa ubundlobongela.
Usizi
Unceda ukubaleka ukuze ulahlekelwe yilahleko (umntu osondeleyo, ezinye iimpawu ezikuyo, izinto eziphathekayo ...) kwaye ubuyisele amandla obomi. Ikuvumela ukuba "uzinqobe", uvumelane nokulahlekelwa kwaye uphinde ufumane intsingiselo elahlekileyo yento eyenzekayo. Ukongezelela, amava entlungu adala uvelwano kunye nabanye abantu-kwaye sivakalelwa ngakumbi.
Uvuyo
imvakalelo efunwayo. Nguye okhupha inani elikhulu lamandla, okukhuthaza ukukhululwa kwamahomoni enjabulo. Sinesiqiniseko, ukubaluleka kwethu, inkululeko, sinomuvo wokuthi siyathandwa kwaye siyathandwa. Uvuyo lusebenza njengemagnethi: ukhangela abanye kuthi kwaye lusinceda sihlanganyele iimvakalelo zethu. Kwakhona kwaziwa ukuba ukumamatheka nokuhleka kunomphumela wokunyanga, ukuphucula umzimba wokukhusela umzimba.
Ingqondo kunye neemvakalelo
Enye inzuzo ebalulekileyo yeemvakalelo kukuba zisenza siqonde. Kwangexesha elide, inzululwazi ngandlela-thile yancipha, ibeke phantsi kweengcinga zokucinga. Emva kwakho konke, ukusuka kwimbono yokuziphendukela kwemvelo, iimvakalelo zazalwa ezinzulwini zeengqondo "zangaphambi komntu" kwaye zihlobene ngokuthe ngqo nokuziphatha kwezilwanyana. Amasebe amatsha e-cortex ye-cerebral, enokuthi, ngokukodwa, ixanduva lweenkqubo zokucinga ngokugqithisileyo, yabonakala kamva. Kodwa namhlanje kuyaziwa ukuba ngendlela engcolileyo ingqondo ayikho - inondliwa yimvakalelo. I-American neurologist u-Antonio Damasio wabonisa ukuba ulwazi, olungaphelelwanga nemvakalelo, luya kuba yinyumba, kwaye umntu onobukrakra akakwazi, umzekelo, ukuba afunde kwiimpazamo zakhe. Kuyathakazelisa ukuba abantwana kunye nabantu abadala bafunde kwaye bakhumbule into entsha ngokuchasene nemvelaphi yempembelelo enemeko enesimo esilungileyo nesaneleyo, esithetha, ngokuvakalayo, ivula umnyango kwindawo entsha yokuxhamla.
Ingqiqo ayikho ngaphandle kwemizwa. Wonke amagama, zonke izenzo, ukuvumba, ukunambitha, umfanekiso obonwa nguwe ngokukhawuleza "kuchazwa" ngeemvakalelo zethu. Ngaphandle kwemvakalelo, sasiya kuba matshini size sidibanise ubukho obungenambala.
Isazi sengqondo sikaDaniel Goleman (uDaniel Goleman) sazisa inzululwazi ingqiqo "yesilumko sengqondo." Wafika kwisigqibo sokuba impumelelo yethu yodwa ayixhomekeke kakhulu kwi-IQ, isalathiso sokuphuhliswa kwengqondo, njengengqiqo ye-emotional (EQ). Ngokusekelwe kwidatha yezilingo, wabonisa ukuba kwindawo engumsebenzi oyimpumelelo kakhulu ayiyiziingcali ezihlukahlukeneyo zediplomas, kodwa abo banezimpawu zobuntu ezixabisekileyo - ukukwazi ukuhlaziya iimvakalelo zabo nokulawula iimvakalelo zabo kunye nabanye. Xa abantu abanjalo, umzekelo, bacelwa ukuba bancede bazisombulule ingxaki, abanye bayasabela ngokukhawuleza, ngelixa "abakhubazekile ngokomzimba" (nge-EQ ephantsi) banokulinda iintsuku ezimbalwa ukuze baphendule kwisicelo sabo ...
Izwi lokungazi
Iimvakalelo zisitshelisa ngolwazi olubalulekileyo malunga nathi okanye malunga nento esijongene nayo, kwaye ngoko ke kufuneka bathembeke, baphulaphule baze bathembele kubo. Ekuqalekeni kubonakala ngathi indawo enjalo yokuhlala iphikisana namava amaninzi kuthi: ngaphezu kwesinye sasiphosakele, sihamba ngexesha leemvakalelo. Isifilosofi esikhulu saseJalimane uMax Scheler (uMax Scheler) sichaze le mpikiswano ngokufumaneka kweentlobo ezimbini zeemvakalelo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, zikhona iimvakalelo zokudibanisa, zisebenza njengendlela yokuthintela. Xa siziva sinovuyo, siziva siphucule, sinokuphumla, asixhalabele, oku kuthetha ukuba sikwazi ukufumana "ubomi obungakumbi". Ukuba kukho into esicasulayo okanye isicasulayo, sinokucinga ukuba sithintele impilo, amandla - "inxalenye yobomi." Imvakalelo yokudibanisa idlulisa ulwazi olubalulekileyo malunga nokubaluleka kokukhona kwento eyenzekayo kwimpilo yam, ubunzima bam. Kodwa iimvakalelo ezinjalo (ngokuqhelekileyo zivela ebuntwaneni) akufanele zithembele kwizenzo zokuthatha izigqibo, kubalulekile ukukwazi ukuzisusa, zibeke kwiibakaki.
Kodwa kukho olunye uhlobo lweengqondo-iimvakalelo ezikude. Akunalo ulwalamano oluchanekileyo nombuso wethu wangoku, kodwa bafumana into ebaluleke kakhulu ngomnye umntu. Le ntliziyo inembile eyaziwa ngabantu bonke. Yilokho okusikhuthaza ukuba sicele othandekayo: "Ngaba into eyenzekayo kuwe?" Okanye i-oda: "Simele sibize ekhaya ngokukhawuleza!" Abasifundisi ukuphulaphula iimvakalelo ezikude, kodwa bavumela ukuba sihlole ngokukhawuleza umoya kwiqela labantu, unxibelelwano okanye imeko. Ukuba ubuya ebomini bakho, uya kubona ukuba zonke izigqibo ezibalulekileyo nezichanekileyo kuyo, zithembele kwi-flair: iinguqu zengqiqo zidla ngokuzayo.
Thembela kwiimvakalelo zakho kwaye kufuneka ufundiswe, uqeqeshe. Kubalulekile kuphela ukungadibanisi iimvakalelo zokunxibelelana ezinxibelelana nathi ngomntu, nabantu abade bakhuluma ngomnye umntu.
High Voltage
Xa amandla amava akhulu kakhulu, sineendlela zokukhuselwa kwengqondo - kwaye asiyiva nto enye. Ukuxinezeleka, ukunganakwa, ukunyuka-ke-ke kubonakala kwingaphandle, kwaye ngaphakathi ngaphakathi umntu akayi kuphinda aphinde aphinde akhathaze, njengalowo u-anesthesia. Ukucinywa ("ukhohliwe") iimvakalelo esiziguqula zibe yintlungu yomzimba, ukususa ulwalamano phakathi kwamava omzwe kunye noko kubangele.
Ngamanye amaxesha iimvakalelo zithatha uhlobo lwazo. Ngezinye izihlandlo kubonakalisa ngokuvuya; uvuyo - ngezinyembezi; maxa wambi sinokuqhaqhazela ukuhleka ngokukhawuleza -kuba ukuphelelwa lithemba akusikiyo. Izindlela zokukhusela ngokwengqondo zithintela amandla ethu engqondweni nangokwenyama kwaye phantse zihlale zingasebenzi: ngezinye iinkalo iimvakalelo zinyaniso ziyahlukana kwaye zisiphazamise. Abo baphumelela ukufihla imizwa yabo, nabo, baxhomekeke kwingcinezelo yabo. Ungakwazi ukufanekisa ukuhleka, ukudlala umsindo, uxoke ngeemvakalelo zakho zokwenene, kodwa awukwazi ukuzenza ngonaphakade: kungekudala okanye kamva baya kuphuma. Ngoko kungcono ukuba ukwazi ukuthatha njengabo.
Ukuzivocavoca kweengqondo
Ukhawulezileyo okanye uphazamisekile, uyaziwayo, okanye ufezekile nguloyiko ... Zama ukuqonda iindlela ezimbalwa ezilula eziza kunceda ukuvumelanisa iimvakalelo zakho.
Awuhlanganiswanga
Uyabambelela, ungavumeli ukubonisa ingqumbo okanye uvuyo ... Ukuziphatha kwakho kunesizathu sokuba akulula ukuyiqonda. Indlela yokuphuma "ukuyeka" ngokwakho, ukukhulula iimvakalelo zakho.
1. Zama ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo ngempawu.
Amagama abalulekile, kodwa iingu-90% zeemvakalelo zethu zibonakaliswa ngombonakalo wobuso, umzimba. Smile, i-pose, i-gestures-nokuba i-shrug elula yamagxa athetha ngesimo sethu sengqondo kwizinto ezenzeka ngaphezu kweenkulumo ezide ...
2. Qaphela ukuba kukho imvakalelo.
Ukuba umntwana ukwesaba izimpisi, akunakunceda ukumqinisekisa ukuba emahlathini ethu afunyanwa. Ukwamkela iimvakalelo zakhe, abazali banokubuza: "Yintoni endiyenzayo ukuze ndizinqabise?" Ukwesaba akuyihlazo, umntu akafanele abe neentloni ngoloyiko. Akukho mvakalelo yethu inobungozi, ngaba singabambisene nabo, esingafanele sihlale silinde ukukhohlisa.
3. Gcina idayari.
Kufana nokwabelana ngemvakalelo yakho nomhlobo. Ibali elibhaliweyo linceda ukukhumbula iimvakalelo ezililiweyo, ucinge ngazo, uhlakulele isimo sengqondo kubo.
Uphelelwe yintswelo
Ephakamileyo "izigxobo" (oko kukuthi, enkulu ukulahlekelwa kukutshatyalaliswa kunye nomvuzo omkhulu wokuwina), ngakumbi ukwesaba. Uloyiko lokungaphumeleli ukuba uchukumisa ngengqondo iimeko ezimbi kakhulu kwaye izandla zakho ziwa. Indlela yokuphuma ukuqonda iimvakalelo zakho kwaye unqobe "ukukhubazeka" kwentando.
1. Khangela imeko kwixesha elidlulileyo elikhupha engqondweni yakho ngexesha lokoyika.
Ubani obonakala ngathi ukwesaba kuni? Mhlawumbi utitshala obethuthumele ebuntwaneni, okanye ummelwane ongenakukunika ipasiti? Isimo ngasinye esixinzeleleyo sisenza ukuba sikhumbule into esiyifumene ngayo ngaphambili, ngokuqhelekileyo kwiminyaka emithandathu yokuqala yobomi. Kwaye kwakhona ukuvakalelwa kukuba asinakuyinqoba kuyabuyela kuthi.
2. Ukuphefumula ngokufanelekileyo.
Gxininisa ingqalelo ekuphefumlweni kwakho: wandise ukukhutshwa nokunciphisa ukuphefumula ukuze unciphise ukuvalelwa kwakho ngaphakathi.
3. Khumbula impumelelo yakho.
Ngendlela, umzekelo, walugqitha ngokugqithiseleyo umvavanyo okanye wamphatha umhlobo weetennis. Ngokusekelwe kwimpumelelo yangaphambili kunye neemvakalelo ezinxulumene nazo, unokuyinqaba umnqweno wokubona iziganeko ezinobungozi zeemeko ezingafihliweyo.
4. Lungiselela uvavanyo.
Cinga ngeendlela ezinokuthi zenzeke kulo mcimbi, qinisekisa ukuba ufuna ukufezekisa naluphi na umcimbi, kwaye nantoni na ongayinika ... Oku kuya kunceda ukulawula kakuhle iimvakalelo zakho.
5. Khangela umdibaniselwano, kodwa hhayi ngqo emehlweni, kodwa kwinqanaba phakathi kwabo.
Unokugxila kwizinto ozithethayo, kungekhona oko ufunda emehlweni akhe ...
Ushushu
Indlela yokuphuma kukuba ufunde ukuzimela iimvakalelo zakho nokulawula imeko yempikiswano.
1. Musa ukuqokelela amabango.
Xa uzigcina uzigcinele ngokwakho, ubeka ingozi ekulahlekelweni. Ukuthetha ngamabango akho, uyakunceda uphephe ukuqhambuka komsindo ongekho.
2. Funda ukuveza iimvakalelo zakho ngokucacileyo.
Yithi igama elikukhathazayo. Ngaphandle kokukhononda okanye ukugxeka, khankanya ngokucacileyo: "Ndineenkathazo emsebenzini, nditshitshiswa kwaye ndiyazi ukuba ndenzeni."
3. Misa isikhashana.
Ingqondo ifuna ixesha lokuthatha isigqibo kunye nokulawula imeko. Hlaziya i-plexus yelanga: thatha umoya ophefumlelweyo, ubambe umoya wakho kumasekhondi ambalwa, uphume kwaye ulinde ngaphambi kokuphefumula kwakhona. Ngexesha elide, vala amehlo akho ngemizuzwana 2-3: ukucima amanqaku amboniselo kunciphisa umbane.
4. Indlela "X, Y, Z".
U-Psychotherapist u-Haim Ginott ucebisa ukuba akhe izitatimende zakhe kwiskimu: "Xa wenza (X), ndaziva (a) Y, kwaye ngelo xesha ndifuna ukuba wenze (a) Z." Umzekelo: "Xa undigxeka ngenxa yokukhawuleza, ndaziva ndi netyala. Ubungcono kundibambe kunokuba undigxothe. "
5. Gcina isandla sakho sokunceda.
Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule ubundlobongela kwintlanzi, cela umphathi-nto: "Ngaba unento ephosakeleyo?" Okanye umnike ingqungquthela: "Ndiyaqala ukuba neentloni, mayeke, siphumelele".
Unomtsalane
Uyakwamkela ngokulinganayo ngokwemvakalelo kunye namazwi abalulekileyo, kunye nokuncoma. Indlela yokuphuma ukuseka ubudlelwane obuhle kunye nabantu.
1. Ungazibopheli ngokwakho.
Akukhathazeki ngokungenasidingo malunga noko abanye bacinga ngako ngawe. Zama 'ukuhamba' encinane kuwe kwaye ubonise uvelwano (uvelwano). Funda ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zomnye umntu. Ucinga ntoni? Yintoni eyenzekayo? Utshintsho olunjalo kumbono wombono lunceda ukutshintsha isicwangciso sobudlelwane.
2. Musa ukuzama wonke umntu ukuba akuthande.
Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka uthathe ithuba kwaye uvume ukuba umntu akayi kukuthanda izenzo zakho, kodwa umntu uya kuba nzima. Akunakwenzeka ukuphepha ukubonakaliswa kobambiswano, ukuchasana, ukungahambelani kwabalinganiswa. Ukucaca ukuba uyazi ngale nto, kulula ukuba uyenze, kwaye omnye uya kufumana nzima ukukhohlisa.
3. Zama ukufumana iimeko "zokuqala".
Yenza uludwe lweemeko apho usengozini ngokukhethekileyo, kunye namazwi anokunyusa ukuziphatha okungonelanga. Ukujongana nazo kwakhona, ungazifunda kwaye ungalahleki.
4. Gwema iziganeko zesigaba.
Ukubhenela kum ngokuhlelekile ("Ndimele ndenze umsebenzi!") Okanye ithoni encinci ("Ndiqinisekile ukuba ndiya kuhlala ubomi bam enye (ngenxa) ..." awuzuzi: uzive ungumthwalo wecala leengxaki zakho, kwaye oku kunciphisa ubunzima kwaye ayiniki umxholo wokunqoba.