Inveli kunye nomntu otshatileyo ... Kweminye, le yintambo, kunye nabanye, intsebenziswano kunye neqhawe elixhunyaniswe zibophelelo ze-Hymenyum liguqukela ngokoqobo ekupheleni kwayo. USabina Safarova wafunda iimpawu ezizodwa zeengqondo zabazingeli ngokulungileyo komnye umntu.
Ukuba kwakungengenxa yeengcali ze-psychotherapists, sasingaze safunda ukuba phakathi kwethu, phantsi kweengqekembe ezingenanto ezingenasiphelo, izimpisi zangempela-abazingeli emva kwendoda esatshatileyo-ilahle. Mhlawumbi le nto ibangele ingqalelo xa abantu beqala ukuthabatha inxaxheba ekuthandeni kwengqondo yengqondo. Emva koko, izazi zeengqondo zafuneka zijongane "nabazingeli" ngokwabo, kunye namaxhoba abo. Kwaye kunye namadoda abanjwe phakathi kwemililo emibili.
Ngaloo ndlela, kwaba lula ukuthetha malunga neempawu eziqhelekileyo zalezi zintathu zothando. Ngaphezu koko, kwakukho na manani. Kwaye kwathiwa malunga ne-10% yabameli bezesondo abalungileyo bathanda amadoda asetshatiweyo. Kule ndawo, abathathu-ntlanu badinga kuphela abafazi abatshatileyo kunye nabanye. Kwaye oku kuthetha ukuba i-90% eseleyo kufuneka igcine iso.
Iingcingo kuphela
Abathandwayo bamadoda abakhululekile - akusoloko bekhona. Masishiye le mifanekiso kwihlabathi lokuzonwabisa, kuba ebomini yonke into ihamba phambili. Umnye wabathengi bam kuqala, intombazana engamashumi amabini anesibhozo ubudala, umbiza ngokuthi uN., weza kwindwendwe phantsi kwengcinezelo yamantombazana, "kusho u-Psychotherapist no-sexologist, uProfesa Alexander Poleyev. - Ngokutsho kweN., bonke ubomi bakhe babenemveli kunye nabasetyhini, abangazange baqhawule umtshato. Amantombazana ayekhathazekile ukuba uN. (kuyo yonke imicimbi ebalulekileyo le ntombazana iyasebenza kwaye iqondakala) ichitha ubomi bakhe. U-N.N. uvume ukuba ufuna ukudibana nomntu okhululekileyo, kodwa abo banomdla "abavusa iimvakalelo zakhe" kwaye njengabalingani abangenakuziqonda. "
Abaninzi "abazingeli" abakholelwa ukuba bayakwazi ukuvavanya ngokwaneleyo iqabane. Bahlalisa xa omnye umfazi "exabisa" indoda, emtshata.
Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka, inyawo le ngxaki ikhula ukusuka ebuntwaneni. I-Practice Poleyev ithi: "Ukuziqhelanisa kubonisa ukuba ngokuqhelekileyo abathandi bendoda esatshatileyo bakhuliswa ngumama ongatshatanga." - Kamva, kwiintetho kunye namantombazana anjalo, kuyacaca ukuba baninzi ababuhlungu bokungabikho koyise kwimpilo yabo. Abo ba khulele kwiintsapho ezipheleleyo bekhalaza ngokubandayo, abazali abangenayo. " Ngokwe-interlocutor, abaninzi balaba bafazi bayavuma ukuba abayiqondi kwaye banokwesaba abantu. Kwaye, ngenxa yoko, abakholelwa ekubeni bakwazi ukuvavanya iqabane. Bahlalisekile xa indawo yakhe kwindoda yesigxina yindoda imiselwe enye intokazi, ibe ngumfazi wayo.
ALENA, IMINYAKA E-28
"Ndihleli nomntu unyaka, oshiye ngenxa yothando lwethu oluvela kwintsapho. Kwaye kunzima kakhulu. Washiya konke kumfazi wakhe nabantwana bakhe, kwaye siqala ubomi bethu ngokusesikweni. Umfazi wakhe owayengumfazi owayesetyenziselwa ukuba angasebenzi kwaye kuphela ukuhlangabezana neentombi. Yaye yena, evezwa yecala, eyaziwa kakuhle, uzama ukwenza konke ukugcina imilinganiselo yokuphila ephakamileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo ngeendleko zobudlelwane bethu. Xa ndizama ukumbonisa ukuba udla ngokumxhaphaza, uhlalutya. Unina wam intanda akayathethi nam ngokuqhelekileyo, kuba ndibacaphukisa abazukulwana bakhe, bamthabatha ubaba wam. Ngelo xesha, asikwazi ukuqala abantwana bethu. Iyabangela iintombi zayo, kwaye isabelomali sethu esitsha asiyi kuphila kwiimfanelo ezintsha zemali. Kodwa ndivuyiswa gqitha kukuba ekugqibeleni sihlangene. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ndiziva ndonwabile gqitha indlela ahlala ngayo intsapho yakhe yangaphambili phakathi kwethu. "
"Abasetyhini esikhuluma ngabo, imfuno ephakamileyo yokukhuselwa komntu kunye" nokubuyiselwa "kwendima yabo oyise ebomini babo," kusho u-psychoanalyst uMaria Suvorova. Ngaliphi na indlela bazama ukufumana oko bangenayo ebuntwaneni, ngoko banamathele kumadoda kunye nabantu abanempumelelo kwengqondo abahlala bekhulile. Akumangalisi kukuba, kwiimeko ezininzi, abo batshata. "Nangona kukho ukukhohlisa, ngokwenene, abafazi abanjalo basengozini kakhulu," kusho uMaria Suvorova. - Eneneni, nangenxa yesi sizathu bayesaba ukudibana kunye nokudala imibambano kunye neontanga zabo, ngamanye amaxesha abangenakulungelelaniswa nokungazinzi. Ukongeza, kusemtshatweni ukuba abatshatileyo baqeqeshane. Abasetyhini bafunda ukuphikelela, ukuzithemba ngakumbi. Amadoda ayengazi ngokufunda izifundo zokuthobeka kunye nokuguquguquka. Oko kukuthi, ukukhetha indoda esatshatileyo, kwaye ngokukhethekileyo nokuba nomntwana, "amantombazana angatshatanga" athola umntu onobubele, onenkathalo nokuqonda. "
Umngqobo womtshato awukho umhlobiso olula
Kukho into edibanisa ngokucacileyo "abazingeli" bethu. Ngokungafani nababhinqa abaninzi, ukuze baveze ngokwabelana ngesondo, bathathe ixesha, le ntombazana "iqhakaza" ebhedini ngokukhawuleza. Kwaye ngokusemncinci - ngokuqhelekileyo ukuya kwiminyaka engamashumi amabini. Nangona kunjalo, njengoko kulula ukuqiqa, ngaphandle kokuba iqabane litshatile. "Kuyamangalisa ukuba kunye namadoda kunye nosapho bandizange bunzima, abaninzi abathengi bam babonakalisa intlanzi," watsho uAlexander Poleyev. - Okokuthi, ubulili babo bukhona ngokwemigaqo: konke okanye akukho nto. Kwaye "konke" -kuphela kwendoda esatshatileyo. " Kufana nokuba ngabafazi ababini abahlukeneyo bahlala emzimbeni omnye. Omnye ulungelelaniso oluqhelekileyo, elinye lugcinwe ngokuthe tye. Ngokukhawuleza ukuba iqhawe lethu lidibana nomntu onomseshelo kumunwe womncinci - owokuqala uvuka. Kubo bonke abanye abafakizicelo, ungcini kunokuba uzivelele. Ezinye iingcali zicinga ukuba ukhetho olunzulu olunjalo luya kuphazamiseka ngokobulili.
Abaphengululi baseMerika balinganisela umlinganiselo wesini esithatyathwa ngabasetyhini abaye bathatha inxaxheba kwimizamo ethile, kungekhona nje ngokufunda ukuzithemba kwabo, kodwa nangendlela yokusebenzisa iikhompyutheni: Ukusukela kumtshini wamanga kwi-electroencephalogram eneenkqubo zekhompyutha. Yaye kunye namanani athatyathwe ngokuthintana ne "nto yentshiseko" kunye nezinye, amaqabane angatshatanga, ahlukeneyo malunga nekhulu. Kuyafaneleka ukuba ulandelelanise nabalingani abangaboniyo kunye nomfazi kunye nekhulu lezinto ezonwabileyo abazivelayo xa betyhila into efunwayo yendlu yangasese ezandleni zakhe. Kodwa yindlela ephendula ngayo, xa esinye isikhubekiso sibangela isithwathwa somnqweno, kwaye bonke abanye abathinteli nangayiphi na indlela, kwaye bafaka isiseko sokuphambukiswa kocansi - ukhetho oluphezulu. Kule meko, indima yomntwana uyingcingo yomtshato isenziwa ngomnwe weqhawe.
OLGA, IMINYAKA E-29
"Ebomini bam kukho iireveli ezimbini kunye namadoda esatshatileyo. Ewe, unokwenza ntoni na? Akukho namnye wethu okhuseleka kulo. Ebomini, akunakwenzeka rhoqo ukwenza ngokungahambi kakuhle kwaye ngokuchanekileyo, ukuba awufuni ukuzikhanyela ukubonakalisa iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo eziphilayo. Ezi zombini izaveli zacinywa ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo. Kodwa kwakungekho ngenxa yokuba amadoda ayetshatile. Kunoko, kwacaca kuzo zombini iimeko - asibona abantu abazimisele ukuba kunye. Kodwa ukuba ndivakalelwa kukuba lo ngumntu wam, ubukho bomfazi bakhe kunye nabantwana babengeke bandimise. Andikholelwa ukuba kusemgangathweni womsebenzi ukuba umntu angakha ubudlelwane obugcweleyo, makungabikho uvelise umntwana onoyolo. Inceba enjalo yonyani ngenxa yoko isebenza kuphela. "
Kodwa ke ahluke
Izifundo zama-psychotherapists aseMelika uRobin Norwood kunye noPatrick Carnes babonisa enye into ebalulekileyo. Abathandi beentlanga bahlukaniswe ngokucacileyo ngamaqela amabini: abanye bafuna ukutshata, abanye abayithandi. Kwimeko yokuqala, yonke into ihlelekile, ukuba ingekho kwimigaqo yokuziphatha, ngoko ubuncinane ngeengcamango kunye nokulandelelana kwezenzo. Bazama ukunqoba ngoluhlobo lwemfazwe kunye ne "heroine enekratshi" - umfazi wakhe. Kwaye zonke iinyaniso kunye neenkwenkwezi zithatha itrone yakhe. "Abafazi abanjalo bafuna ukutshata umntu okhethiweyo, bazibekele ezi njongo baze bafezekise," kubhala uRobin Norwood. -Ndikhathala ngenxa yokuzithiba nokunyamezela kwabo. Emva koko, ubudlelwane nomntu otshatileyo kwiimeko ezininzi kunxulumene neengxaki kunye nokuhlazeka: uchitha iveki kunye nosapho lwakhe, ukutyelela akunqabile kwaye nanini na umzuzu unokunqunyulwa. Kodwa bahlupheka yonke into. Kwaye ukuba uninzi lwabafazi abathile bahlupheke oku, ubuncinci, abachasi bam, ngokuchasene noko, baphiliswa ngokugqithiseleyo. Kulo thuba lobomi abavakalelwa kukuba bayakhuthazeka kwaye bavuya. "
Ubudlelane nomntu otshatileyo bahlala behlanganiswa neengxaki, kodwa iingxaki "abazingeli" zinika amandla kunye nemihlali.
Nangona kunjalo, xa i-heroine yethu isatshata, ngakumbi xa umntu otyunjweyo ekhulile, onamava kunye nolwalamano kwisibini esondeleyo, luguqulwa. Ukuqala ukungathandabuzeki, ukuvakalelwa ngothando, okuye wahlupheka phambi kwendibano, yaphela ngokupheleleyo. "Ukusebenzisa lo mtshato njengabantwana abanomdla wokuba bajabule-bajikeleze kwaye" bafumana "into engayifumana njengomntwana, abathengi bam baqala ukukhula ngokukhawuleza," kusho uPatrick Karnes. "Emva kweminyaka emibili yomtshato ophumelelayo, abazange babe ngabantu ababuthathaka kunye nabasemngciphekweni endazi ngaphambili. Batshintshile kwaye baphumelela ngokugqithiseleyo iingxaki zabantwana babo. Ngaphezu koko, emva kwexesha mhlawumbi babe novelwano olutsha phakathi koontanga. Kwaye engatshatanga. Ngamanye amaxesha uthando olunjalo oluphindaphindiweyo lwafika kude kangangokuthi oomama bawushiya, abayeni abanokuzithemba abaye banqotshwa. "
Kuvela, ukuxhaphaza indoda esatshatileyo njengendlela yokumlingo, i-heroine yethu yonyango. Kwaye, njengendlovukazi yamantombazana, yavuswa ebuthongweni bobugqirha ngumbutho osebenzayo, uqala ubomi obutsha. Ukususela kwangoku, akayidingi umfazi oqhekezayo ukuqinisekisa ukubaluleka kweqhawe elikhethiweyo, ukutshata naye kanye-uya kuyenza. Kwaye amanxeba angokomoya ukuphilisa sele sele eshiya amadoda. Nangona kunjalo, eli libali elifani ngokupheleleyo.
UMARINA, IMINYAKA E-26
"Ewe, ndineenveli kunye namadoda atshatileyo. Kodwa andizange ndithi kubomi obuhle. Masijamelane nayo: kweli lizwe, ukucaca ngokucacileyo kwamabhinqa. Amadoda awanakho okwaneleyo, kwaye akumangalisi ukuba umntu ofanelekileyo, owela entsimini yombono wakho, utshatile. Ngokubanzi, ukuba ugxila kuphela kumadoda akhululekile, kukho umngcipheko wokuhlala wodwa. Kuvakala ukunyaniseka, kodwa kuyinyaniso. Ewe, ngokuqinisekileyo, ndingathanda ukuba neqabane eliye latshatyalaliswa, kwaye nangona kunjalo kungcono kungekho konke ukunyanzelwa yintsapho. Ndiyathemba ngokwenene loo ntlanganiso. Kodwa into ephambili kum isisengqondweni. "
Umtshakazi obalekileyo
Kanye kunye nabazingeli bamantombazana, ukuphandelela amadoda anqamlekileyo njengomdlalo onqwenela kakhulu kubo, kukho enye inxaxheba yezithandane ezitshatileyo. Ubomi kunye nokhethiweyo wakhe phantsi kophahla olulodwa alingazihendeli nonke, kungakhankanyi umtshato. Yingakho indoda esatshatileyo, ithi, isondele. Uthi u-Alexander Poleyev uthi: "Kuthe malunga nesitokethi esikhethekileyo somntu, esibizwa ngokuba yi-psychostension." - Isekelwe ekukhuphekeni kwengqondo kwengqondo. Kwaye akukho nto enokuyenza ngokusondelana okanye ukungabi nantembelo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, iingqondo ze-psychostenics zihle kwaye abantu abanentlalontle abancinci ngaphezu kwabanye badinga eyabo, abazange baphule indawo. " Ngenxa yobulungisa, kufuneka kuthiwe kwi-lottery yemvelo yabalinganiswa be-psychostaining, abasetyhini badla ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunamadoda (4-5% ngokumalunga no-12-13%). Abafazi-abafazi basengqondweni bahlala befuna imithwalo emide kunye nabesilisa abatshatileyo, ekubeni iimeko ezinjalo zingabandakanyi ithuba lokuhlalisana. "Ngokuqhelekileyo ukukhetha okungazi," ugxininisa uMaria Suvorova wengqondo yengqondo. - Umfazi ovakalelwa kukuba ukuhlala kunye nendoda, kumnyamekela, ukuthetha rhoqo kunomdla kuye. Yaye ukuxhamla nomntu otshatileyo kukuvumela ukuba ubaleke kwi-model model yobudlelwane kumtshato wesityezelo. "
"Kwindawo yethu, umfazi ongatshatanga ovela kwiminyaka ethile uqala ukukhangela. Kwaye intsebenziswano kunye nendoda esele imithwa yintsapho iya kuba yindwendwe-inkululeko, - ikholelwa ngu-Alexander Poleyev. - Ingxabano "Ndiyamthanda kwaye afuni ukuba nomnye umntu, nokuba ngaba akunakwenzeka ukuba kunye nentanda yam" kwisithethe sethu, kunye nenkolo yakhe yobungqina bentombi, akagxeki.
Kwakhona kunomdla ukuba kubasetyhini, ngokungafani namadoda, i-psychosis inepropati yokudlula iminyaka engama-30-35 iminyaka ".
Nangona kunjalo, ngoku aba bafazi banako ukuzama ukuzama abantu abaxakekile. Ndiyabonga apha kuyimfuneko ukuthetha kuqala komtshato wesimenywa, apho amaqabane akudingeki aphile kunye.
Kwaye ke yintoni?
"Abazingeli" bayangqinela ubudlelwane abangasayi kubaxabisa. Bathi, njengesilwanyana esikhathele, baye baqhawula ixesha elide, kwaye ngoko banokungcatshiswa.
Naliphi na imeko, le mibali echazwe ngasentla ayikho into ekuvuyisayo ngayo, xa wonke umntu, kuquka umntu oshiya egameni lobuhlobo obutsha, unelisekile. Njengomthetho, umfazi okhohlisayo kunye nenkosikazi ihluphekile, kwaye loo mntu ngokwakhe usemgangathweni ongenakukwazi. Kwaye, njengabadumi bezenzo-ntliziyo bathi, ngokuqhelekileyo abaphangi abapheliyo abaphelelanga nkosikazi. Ziyintoni na abo baxhonywe kule mihlathi? Inyaniso yokuba ininzi yethu ayinakuyithanda kakhulu - ukuhlola ubomi babo ngokunyanisekileyo nangokunyaniseka, njengoko abadibanisa nabo bebizayo. Amantombazana abanobudlelwane babo kunye namadoda angenasiphelo aya kuba yinto eqhubekayo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba baqala ukuphanga. Ngaloo ndlela, ilungelo lokwenza ukhetho oluphambili, okokuqala, ukuqala ukutshata umntu okhethiweyo, unikwe omnye umfazi kwangaphambili. Kwaye bayazicima ithuba lokufumana umntu onokuhlala kunye naye ngokuzonwabisa, engafuni ukubonana nabangakatshatanga ngenxa yento engafanelekanga.
Sonke kufuneka sikhumbule ukuba "abazingeli" banjani uhlobo olumiselweyo lwehlathi. Ukuba siqhubeka nesifaniso, ngoko bazama, okokuqala, malunga nobudlelwane abaye bayeka ukuba baxabise ngokwenene. Kwaye, njengesilwanyana esikhathele, baye baxakeka ixesha elide, kwaye ngoko ke baxhatshazwa kakhulu.
KATYA, IMYAKA E-31
"Ndandisoloko ndiziva ndingathembeli kubantu, ngaphambi kokuba bafike kwiminyaka engamashumi amathathu, babengatshatanga. Enyanisweni, ziingcuka eziphakade-ezizodwa: abazithandabukeli ubuhlobo. Abayidingi intsapho, abantwana, okanye uxanduva. Ukuphila nomntu owashiya ngenxa yentsapho naye akayiyo iswekile: mhlawumbi, umfazi ongumfazi oqhubekayo kuba ngumama wabantwana bakhe, kwaye akukho mntu uthatha uxanduva lwaba bantwana kuye. Kodwa ndisondele ngakumbi kumntu ongeyilo lo xanduva. Kwaye abantwana abasuka kumtshato owandulelayo akuyithintelo. "
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