Umyeni wam kunye nathi sasidla isidlo kunye nabahlobo. Emva kwekhofi bayeza kuhamba, kwaye ngokukhawuleza abanini basimema ukuba sihlale ... ukuze senze uthando kubo abane. Sasibuhlungu kakhulu: sasingazi ukuba babezibandakanyekile! Kutheni le ndululo ibonakala iyatshitshisa kangaka? Kubugqwetha akukho mbuzo: "Ukunxibelelana ngesondo phakathi kwabantu abadala ngokuvisisana ngokusemthethweni kungahluka kakhulu. UJulia nomyeni wakhe banikezwa ngesondo ngeqela. Xa isondo esinjalo singabonakali kwaye sisekelwe kwiimvakalelo ezinobungane, kuthiwa uguquka. Kule meko, kwakungekho ukungaqondi: abamemezeli, ngokusobala, babeqala ukuguqula. Baye benza iphoso, okanye bakhawuleza ngesiphakamiso sabo. Iingcamango zesondo kunye nokuphambana: phi umda kwaye ungenakuwela njani?
Isakhelo sokuziphatha
Yintoni eyenza abanye bavelele, kwabanye - into eqhelekileyo. Ixesha lokudideka: ngoko yintoni eqhelekileyo ubudlelwane bezesondo phakathi kwabantu abadala? Ukudideka kubangelwa kukuba ukuqonda kwethu okuvunyelwe ukutshintsha ngokukhawuleza. Iikhondom, ezazithengiswa kuphela kwezinye iifommesi, ngoku zilele kwibhokisi yeofisi nayiphi na ivenkile. Iiblue kunye neengqayi zangasese zifakwe kutshanje kwiivenkile zesondo, kwaye ngoku ziye zafudukela kumayeza. Ukuqhelaniswa kwesiqhelo sengqondo "yesiqhelo": kuyahluka ngokwexesha kunye nendawo. Yintoni eyaziwayo njengeziphethe kakubi emphakathini omnye okanye ithathwa njengobonakaliso besifo, kwelinye ithathwa njengento echaseneyo. Oko kubonakala ngathi kwakusandul 'ukuxhatshazwa kakubi, kunokuba yindlela eqhubekayo ebantwini. Imida iya kwanda kancane. Kwiminyaka emininzi edlulileyo kwakwamukelwa ngokubanzi ukuba umntu uyindoda yesini. Ngoku siyakholelwa ukuba umntu unezifundo ezintathu zesini: i-hetero-, homo-sex and sex. Zizo zonke ezikhethiweyo. Kuphela abantu abaneziqhelwaniso zesini kunye nabanye. Mhlawumbi ngelinye ilanga sadomasochism iya kuthathwa njengento eyahlukileyo yokukhetha ngokwesondo. Kukho umendo ojikelezayo: oko kuthathwa njengendalo ngokwemininzi, yinto engunaphakade. Ngokomzekelo, inkqubo yofakelo lwentsapho yesakhiwo sendlu (okubonisa ukuthotyelwa ngokupheleleyo kwintombi kumntu, ukuvumeleka kwesigwebo somzimba kuye) kwakuqhelekileyo kwintlalo kwiminyaka emininzi. Namhlanje, "ukugcinwa kwezindlu" kukhumbuza, mhlawumbi, "iziphakamiso" (ukungeniswa) - enye yamacandelo eBDSM. Asisayi kukhetha, fumana ulwazi lwesimo sesondo okanye kungekhona - indawo esasijikelezile izaliswe nayo. Ukukhangisa ngokucacileyo okanye ukuxhaphaza ngokucacileyo imifanekiso engabonakaliyo. Ukujonga kwiimpapasho zeendaba, ngokuqinisekileyo siyafikelela kwiibhanti zezingosi ze-porn. Singaphantsi kwengcinezelo evela kwimeko esakhuthaza umsebenzi wesondo. Qinisekisa into esiyifunayo kwaye oko sikuthandayo akulula. Kodwa ukhetho luhlala luhlala lwethu. UMarina oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala wenza oko khetho ngokukhawuleza, nangona phantsi kweemeko ezahlukeneyo, wayenokwenza ngendlela eyahlukileyo: "Siye sazazi uAlexi ngeenyanga eziliqela, xa eshiya ibhokisi ebhedini kanye, wandiyeka ekuseni. Ndayivulwa: ngaphakathi ngaphakathi kwakungumnyama omnyama kunye nobomvu, izicathulo eziphezulu, iipenties kunye ne-slits kunye nezikhumba zesikhumba. Ndiyakhumbula oku ngokukrakra. Ukusuka ngaphantsi kwengubo yangaphantsi kwakuchukumisa isithukuthezi - wayesebenziwe kakade. Ndamthumela le bhokisi ngeposi yeposi ngaphandle kwegama. Akazange ndibize. " U-Alexei ngale ndlela watshela uMarina ukuba unemfuno zakhe ezingaqhelekanga. Kule meko sithetha ngo-fetishism, inkolo yezinto (ze-Alexei - izinto zokugqoka) ezibandakanya ngesondo. Inyaniso yokuba bayifake ilinen ilinemvelo, ngaphandle koko ayikwazi ukuba ngumntwana. Mhlawumbi, wayelindele uMarina ukuba athathe isinyathelo kuye, mbuze, kwaye ke uya kumchazela oko kwakungalunganga.
Ngubani o mtsalayo?
Ubomi bezocwangco ngummandla omkhulu wokuvuleka, ngoko ke, ngenxa yokungabikho kwethu. Apha akufuneki ukukhawuleza ngokugweba nokugwetywa ngakumbi. Akukho mgaqo oqhelekileyo kubo bonke: Emva koko, sibhekene neendidi ezininzi zeempawu kunye neempawu zobuntu. Ukuqonda ukuba ukuziphatha kukuphikisa, i-sexologist inika ingqwalasela kwimeko yesimo sengqondo somntu, umsebenzi wengqondo yakhe, imbali yelizwi lakhe lokuqala lokwebelana ngesondo, umoya weentsapho apho ufumanisa khona umhlaba weziphambeko. Kungabonakala ukuba imbono yokuguquka ikhona ngokufana nesondo ngokwaso. Kodwa eqinisweni, siyazi malunga nokuphambana ngesondo ngokubonga kuBaron Kraft-Ebingu. UBaron Richard von Kraft-Ebing ungumhlengikazi wase-Austrian, u-sexologist, umlawuli we-Feldhof esibhedlela ngenxa yengqondo yengqondo. Akukho namnye phambi kwakhe owayesibindi ukuthetha ngokucacileyo malunga nokuziphatha ngokwesini. Unayo imiqathango esetyenziswa ngokubanzi "ubuhlungu", "masochism", "zoophilia". Ekupheleni kwekhulu le-XIX, waqala uchaza ne-necrophilia, kunye ne-fetishism. Uluntu lokuqala lwaba nombono wokuguquka. Nangona kunjalo, masingakulibali ukuba incwadi eyaziwayo ethi "Krafft-Ebinga" "Ukukhathazeka ngokwezesondo" inomxholo othi "Inkcazo yonyango yezobugqirha oogqirha kunye namagqwetha." U-Kraft-Ebing wayengumgqirha weengqondo, kwaye kuye kuye kwahlolwa u-chikatilo - abantu abanezifo ezinzulu. Ukususela kumbono wakhe, ukuguquka kuyisifo, ukuphazamiseka, ukungcola. Ukususela ngoko, ukuziphatha kuye kwanciphisa: umzekelo, akukho mntu sele ebona ubungqingili isifo. Ukuguqulwa kuthathwa njengendlela yokuziphatha ngokwesondo, apho umntu ekhathalela kuphela ukwanelisa iimfuno zabo zesondo kwaye usebenzisa umlingane, engayithobeli ingqalelo yakhe nemeko yengqondo. Ukongezelela, ukuguquka kwenzeka xa umntu enako ukwanelisa umnqweno wakhe wesondo ngesinye indlela kwaye ukukhanga kujoliswe kuyo into enomxholo wayo ongeyonto enxulumene nesondo. Zonke ezinye izenzo zesondo ziphela kuphela kwiintsholongwane eziqhelekileyo, eziqhelekileyo. Ngaba sinalo ithuba lokubona ekuqaleni kokuthandana ukuba umntu oza kutshata naye unokhetho olukhethekileyo kwisini? Hayi, kuba into ekuthethwa ngayo kuluntu ihlala ifihliwe ekuqaleni. Kuhlala nje kuphela ukuthobela ingqalelo engqalileyo: yintoni ekholisa umntu okanye ukukhathazeka; apho kuyonwaba okanye kubuhlungu; into ayithandayo ukuyenza, yintoni inokuzilibazisa ngayo; ingaba kukho ukuguquguquka kwemizwelo engekho isizathu esibonakalayo.
Yintoni endiyenzayo?
Ubhekane nesimo sengqondo esicacileyo ngokwenene kwisini? Into eyodwa kuphela ukubalekela kumntu onjalo, iingcali zethu zithi. Akunakwenzeka ukuba uphinde ufundise iqabane lakho, ukumkholisa. Oku kukukhohlisa. Ukuthandwa kwezesondo kubunjengeenkwenkwezi, xa amandla olwabelana ngesondo ekhululekile kangangokuba iqondiswa "kuzo zonke iinkalo" kwaye iyakwazi ukuhambela nayiphi na indlela. Kamva, ukhetho lwezesondo alusenakukwazi ukutshintsha. Ukunyanga ukuguquka ngokwesondo, ukuphulwa, ukucheba kwezokwebelana ngesondo akunakwenzeka. - I-sexologist inokukufundisa indlela yokufumana iiminqweno ezingavumelekanga, ngaphandle kokuphazamisa inkcubeko nomthetho.
Kuxhomekeke kuthi
Imida yesiqhelo ayikho into ecacileyo namhlanje, oko kuthetha ukuba ummandla woxanduva lwethu luyakwandisa. Ukuba ngaphambili sabuza umbuzo othi "Ngaba oku kuqhelekileyo?", Ngoku siyazibuza: "Ngaba ndifuna le nto? Ngaba kuya kuba mnandi kum okanye kuya kundilimaza? "Kuthekani ukuba sivakalelwa kukuba iminqweno yethu yinto engavamile? Ngaba kufanelekile ukuthetha malunga nalo mlingane? "Ndiyathanda ukuboshwa. Okanye xa umyeni wam endibambezela ngaphambi kokuba andithande. Emva kokuba ndimxelele ngako, ngamanye amaxesha senza izinto ezinjalo zokuzonwabisa. Ukuthetha ngeminqweno yabo, kukufanelekile ukulinganisa i-pros and cons. Zama ukuqonda ukuba iqabane likulungele ukuva oko uya kuxelela kuye. Ngenxa yokunyaniseka kwakho, unokuphendula ngokunyanisekileyo, kodwa akayi kwamkela. Ibali leemfihlelo ezifihlakeleyo kukuthandana. Ukuvuma kwi-intla, sichaza umhlaba wethu wangaphakathi kwaye sizive sisengozini. Kodwa, xa singenzi oku, sikholelwa kumntu wethu okanye siyamkhohlisa. Kwaye amava kaMarina eqinisekisa oku: "Ukuba uAlex wandibuza ukuba nditshintshe iimpahla, mhlawumbi oku kuya kundenza. Kodwa iimpahla ezazisetyenzisile ... Kwakunzima kakhulu, ndandiziva ndizisebenzise. " Mhlawumbi uMarina wathatha lo msebenzi njengomsindo, kuba wayesazi umhlobo wakhe omncinci.
Umgaqo wemvume
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba nayiphi na iminqweno yesondo ixoxwa kwangaphambili kwaye ibe ngokuzithandela kubo bonke abathathi-nxaxheba. Ngamnye wethu uyazikhethela ukuba ufanele azame okanye cha. Kwaye esi sigqibo sixhomekeke ekukhuleni kwethu ngokomzwelo nangokwenu, ukulungele ukuzama, ukuzama, ukufumana ulonwabo lwenyama. Kodwa kuyimfuneko ukuba sikwazi ukuphonononga isiluleko ngokucacileyo kwaye siqonde ngokucacileyo ukuba ubundlobongela abuvunyelwanga ngokupheleleyo. Ngokuphathelele omnye umntu, kunye naye. Ngoko, i-BDSM inomgaqo wesithathu: ukuzithandela - ukhuseleko - ingqiqo (leyo, nangona kunjalo, kuyakunceda ukukhumbula kunye nezibini eziqhelekileyo). Omnye wa maqabane angazama ukuphoqa omnye ukuba amkele into ngokusebenzisa isohlwayo, abatshitshise ngenxa yokucima okanye esongela ukufumana kwicala lokuzonwabisa abanalo naye. Elinye iqabane lingavumelana nesiphakamiso sokwesaba ukuhlekwa usulu okanye ukushiywa. Nangona kunjalo, ezo ntsapho azikwazi ukukhula ngokuqhelekileyo. Kuthekani kuthi xa thina sicinga ukuba isondo asiyanele? "I-serfdom ithi umntu akaqinisekanga kwizakhono zakhe, kwisithakazelo sabo sezesondo. Kwaye okokuqala kuyimfuneko ukusombulula ingxaki yokuzithoba, kodwa kungekhona kwiindleko zesini. Emva koko unokukwazi ukufumana ezininzi, ukuthatha uxanduva lokuzikhethela. Ingaba elinye lamalingani, ngokuthanda, liyeke ukuzama ngaphandle kokwesaba ukulahlwa? Ukuba kunjalo, umgaqo wokuzithandela uye wahlonishwa. UAlexandro oneminyaka engama-29 ubudala weva ukungavumi, okwamenza wacinga: Ndandithanda ukudubula amaqabane am nexesha lobudlelwane besondo ngomlomo. Ukungabonisi ividiyo kwabanye, kodwa ngenxa yokuqinisa umnqweno wam. Kwaye sadibana noZhenya. Xa phakathi kwimeko yesondo ndathabatha ifowuni yam, ndandifaka umnyango phakathi kobusuku. Ngomso ndamzisa iintyatyambo ukuba zixolise. Siphila kunye kunye nonyaka ngoku. Ndaphonsa ingcamango yevidiyo ngaphandle kwentloko yam. Kodwa oku akusithinteli ekuboniseni ubuchule! Ngamanye amaxesha ukulala nomntu othandekayo kuthetha ukuyeka ezinye iimfuno zakho. Le yintengo yokusondelana-kokubili ngokwesini kunye noluntu.