Imodeli nganye yobudlelwane beentsapho idibenees kunye ne-minuses, ngoko ke akunakutsholwa ukuba enye imodeli iyinto ekhethekileyo, kwaye enye ingalunganga. Umntu ngamnye kufuneka akhethe ulwalamano lwentsapho olwamkelekileyo nolulungele kuye, kwaye oku kuxhomekeke kwimeko kunye nesimo sengqondo, kunye nokukhuliswa komntu.
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba umntu azi: yiyiphi imodeli yobudlelwane eyona nto eyamkelekileyo kuye, kwaye ayifumananga. Emva kwakho konke, ngokobuninzi beengqondo zengqondo, ulonwabo lwabantu ebomini bokudibanisa luxhomekeka okokuqala malunga nokuba bangakanani iingcamango zabo malunga nendlela abafazi abafanele baziphatha ngayo ngobomi bentsapho. Emva kwayo yonke into, ukuba umntu ukholelwa ukuba into eyintloko ebantwini kufuneka ibe nguye, kwaye umfazi uyaqiniseka ukuba igama lokugqibela ekuxazululeni iingxaki zeentsapho kufuneka lihlale likho emva kwakhe, ngoko loo mbini inokuthi ilahlekelwe ukucaciswa rhoqo kobudlelwane kunye nokuphuka okukhawulezayo, nangona umnqweno onyanisekileyo kunye nomnqweno onyanisekileyo wokuba ukhona.
Akuyona indlela efanelekileyo kakhulu yokuba yimeko yamadoda omtshato, ukuba indoda isetyenziswe ukucinga ukuba umfazi kufuneka asombulule iingxaki zeentsapho kwaye enze izigqibo zokugqibela kuyo nayiphi na imiba, kwaye le ntokazi, ngeli xesha, iya kulindela kumntu wokuzimisela kunye nenkqubo kwaye ikholelwa ukuba ukuba uyindoda , kuthetha ukuba kufuneka asombulule iingxaki zakhe. Ngoko, izazi zeengqondo zentsapho zikholelwa ngokuchanekileyo, ziphikisa ukuba akukho madoda nabafazi abalungileyo, kodwa kukho abantu abahambelanayo nabangqinelaniyo.
Iimpawu eziphambili zobudlelwane zintathu:
1. Imodeli yomphathiswa. Kule ndlela yolwalamano, inxaxheba ephambili kwintsapho inikwe umlingane ophethe isigxina ngokunyanisekileyo yonke intsapho kunye naye, ngokuqhelekileyo engaboniswanga nomfazi wakhe, wenza izigqibo ezibalulekileyo malunga nentsapho yonke. Umfazi, kwintsapho enjalo, ngokuqhelekileyo uthatha inxaxheba yomfazi womyeni kunye nomgcini weentombi okanye intombazana engabonakaliyo enomdla wayo oza kuzaliseka ngokukhawuleza ngubaba onothando nonomdla.
Inzuzo yolwalamano olunjalo kukuba umfazi uziva ukuba udonga lwamatye emva kwendoda yakhe kwaye akhululekile ekuzibhokozeleni ngeengxaki ezahlukeneyo zehlabathi kunye neengxaki. Umyeni, kunye nalo mzekelo wobudlelwane, kaninzi akahlali nje enomntu oqinileyo kwaye ozimisele, kodwa naye ufumana kakuhle. Ubunzima bokubaluleka kobudlelwane bobukhulu bomtshato phakathi kwabatshatileyo kukuxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kwindoda yakhe, ngezinye izihlandlo kuthatha iifom ezigqithiseleyo kwaye isongela umfazi olahlekelwa ngumntu ngokwakhe. Ukongezelela, ukuba umntu ngokukhawuleza unquma ukuqhawula umtshato, umfazi, emva kweminyaka emininzi yomtshato, engaziqhelanga umzabalazo wobomi, unokuziva engenakuvuyisa kwaye akanakunceda kwaye akanako ukuhlala kakuhle ebomini, ngakumbi ukuba abantwana bahlala naye, kwaye iqabane lomntu liza kuncitshiswa kunceda ubuncinci.
2. Umzekelo wamatriki. Kwintsapho enjalo, indima yentloko yentsapho yenziwa ngumfazi, ongeyena kuphela olawula uhlahlo lwabiwo-mali kwaye uthatha zonke izigqibo ezibalulekileyo kwintsapho, kodwa kaninzi uzama ukuphazamisa iimfuno kunye nezinto ezithandwa ngumlingane wakhe. Ulwalamano olunjalo luvame ukusekwa kwintsapho apho umfazi, okokuqala, ufumana ngokugqithiseleyo kunomntu, kwaye okwesibini, unomntu onamandla kwaye akayikwesaba ukuthatha kwintsapho kunye nokusebenza ngokuqhelekileyo uxanduva lwabantu. Indoda nayo iyavuya ngohlobo olunjalo, ukuba alufuni kakhulu inkokheli, ngakumbi ukuba xa esemncinci wayenomzekelo ofanayo wabazali phambi kwamehlo akhe. Umgca wobudlelwane obunjalo unokuba yinto enokwenzeka yokutshatyalaliswa ngokukhawuleza komfazi ngendoda enamandla, xa kuthelekiswa nomlingane othobelayo kwaye okhulileyo angabonakala ehlekisayo kwaye engathandeki kuye. Nangona umfazi oqinileyo kunye olawulayo akanakwenzeka ukuba abe noxolo kunye nomntu onamandla, ngoko ke, ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunjalo, abafazi abanjalo, nangona xa besakha ubudlelwane kwicala, bahlala behlalisa umyeni wabo ococekileyo nococekileyo.
3. Umzekelo weqabane. Ngalo mzekelo wobudlelwane, abafazi bavame ukulingana kwamalungelo kwaye babelane ngamalungelo kunye neemfanelo. Ngokufanelekileyo, baneminqweno efanayo, kwaye bacinga ukuba bahluke kwedwa, iimfuno zomlingane. Kwintsapho enjalo, abafazi basoloko beba nezinga elifanayo kunye neengeniso, ezingabanikanga ithuba lomnye womntu oza kutshatyalaliswa kuyo into engcono kwaye iphhumelele ngakumbi kuneqabane. Izigqibo ezibalulekileyo zomlingane zithathwa kuphela ngokubonisana kunye nemisebenzi yezoqoqosho yasemakhaya isasazwa ngokulinganayo. Inzuzo yolwalamano olunjalo yikhono lomlingani ngamnye ukubonakalisa emtshatweni ngokwawo njengomntu kunye nomntu ngamnye. Kwaye ukuchithwa kungaba ngumbono wokubambisana oye wavela phakathi kwabafazi kunye nomnqweno wokufumana umlingane ngandlela-thile, oku kunokukholisa ukupholisa ngokukhawuleza phakathi kwabatshatileyo kunye nokwahlukana. Ukuthintela oku kungenzeki, akufuneki nje ukuba nomdla kunye novelwano phakathi kwabatshatileyo, kodwa nokuhlonipha.