Kutheni kwenzeka ukuba intombazana okanye umfazi akakwazi ukufumana umntu ofanelekileyo, kunye nendlela yokulungisa ubomi bakhe emva kwakho konke? Iminyaka phambi kwe-25-30, ithuba lokudibana nomntu ofanelekileyo ngendima yendoda ezayo iphezulu kakhulu. Ukuba, nangona ibhinqa lifuna oku, akukwenzeka, umntu kufuneka aqonde izizathu. Isizathu sokuqala silo lihlazo lowesifazane. Kule meko, kubalulekile ukuqonda izizathu zolu dloni, zama ukunqoba izakhiwo kunye nokuqeqesha ukuzithemba nokuheha. Mhlawumbi lo mfazi akanakuvuyela ukubonakala kwakhe. Umgcini wezandla kunye nengcali yengqondo unokunceda apha. Sidinga ukuphucula ngokwabo, samkele kwaye sithande ukuba singubani. Kukho abesifazana abaneenkcukacha ezilungileyo zangaphandle zangaphandle, kodwa banobuqili kwaye abafuni ukuzinyamekela.
Esinye isizathu esinokwenzeka - isipiliyoni esingaphambeneyo sokusebenzisana namadoda. Ibhinqa lingadideka kulwalamano kunye namadoda emva kokungaphumeleli kwabo. Umfazi onesizungu unokulungisa njani ubomi bakhe? Kulo mzekelo, kuyimfuneko ukukholelwa ukuba akubona bonke abantu ababi kakhulu ukuba ufuna nje ukufumana umntu "wakho", kwaye ngenxa yoko kufuneka uqhubeke ukholelwa kubantu, khangela umntu ofanelekileyo, uzame ulonwabo.
Abasetyhini, ngakumbi ngokugqithiseleyo umgca oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala, ngamanye amaxesha abanakulungiselela ubomi bomntu siqu, njengoko bahlaziya iimfuno kunye nezicelo zamadoda. Ukongeza, njengoko sele kukhankanywe, amadoda amaninzi axakekile ngeli xesha. Kodwa ukhetho luba lukhulu, kodwa luhlala lufana. Abanye besetyhini bafuna ukulungelelanisa, kodwa kufuneka sikhumbule ukuba akukho bantu abalungileyo, wonke umntu uneempazamo zakhe, enye imele iqondwe kwaye ihlolwe ngokupheleleyo, kwaye ingabi "ngokwezitena". Into ephambili kukuqonda ukuba uyahambelana nomntu okanye akunjalo, nokuba iingxaki zakhe zichasene nemigaqo yakho kunye neempawu zakho.
Abanye besetyhini, ngokuchaseneyo, balungele ukuvala amehlo abo nakweyiphi na imiphumo, ukuba kwakukho umntu osondeleyo. Oku ku phoso. Musa ukukhawuleza. Yazisa ukuba unako ukuhambelana nalo mntu, kunye nokusilela kwakhe, imikhwa, izinto ezithandwayo kunye nokunye. Emva koko, ukutshintsha umntu omdala akunakwenzeka ukuba kwenzeke.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, abafazi abangatshatanga abanekhanda baya esikolweni, emsebenzini, ukukhuthazwa kwinqanaba lomsebenzi. Bafumana imfundo emihle, bafike kwiindawo eziphakamileyo kwimisebenzi yabo, babe nethemba, banelisekile, kwaye kulungile. Nantsi into ephambili kukuba ukwazi ukunika ixesha lobomi bomntu kunye nobudlelwane kwishedyuli eqinile.
Kukho abafazi abakhetha ukuzimela bebodwa. Baye balahla ngokupheleleyo ubudlelwane, becinga ukuba banelisekile kwaye bazalisekile. Ngoluncedo oluthile, kukho amacala amahle nokubi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, enye ibhinqa-eyinkosikazi, inokuchitha ixesha layo elikhululekile, apho kwaye kunye nabani na. Akufanele aphendule nakubani na umntu, ngexesha elifanayo unokukhokelela ekuthandeni okungahambelani. Ayithwali ubomi bemihla ngemihla, umzekelo, ufuna ukulungiselela ukutya, akafuni - akapheki. Loo mfazi unako ukuchitha ixesha elide kumthandekayo wakhe. Kodwa kukho ukungonakali. Ngokomzekelo, ibhinqa kufuneka lifumane kwaye lijongise iingxaki zobomi phantse yedwa. Kukho, kunjalo, abahlobo, kodwa banabo ubomi babo, kwaye umthwalo wonke weengxaki zabo kuzo ngandlela-thile ingenakunceda ukuba bangene. Ukuvuya xa kukho inkxaso enokwethenjelwa ecaleni kwakho, umntu osondeleyo oza kukuncedisa nokuxhasa ngenkxwabo novuyo. Ekugqibeleni, kulungile ukuthanda nokuthandwa.
Ingxaki yokulondeka ixazululwa, into ephambili ayiyi kuphelelwa yintliziyo kwaye ikholelwa kwimpumelelo. Abaninzi banceda abahlobo ukuba bahlangabezane nomntu osengumyeni kunye nabahlobo bakhe, ngokukodwa abatshatileyo nabatshatileyo, kunye nezihlobo. Unokuhlangana nomntu ofanelekileyo ukuba awuhlali ekhaya, kwaye uchithe ixesha lokuphumla kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo apho ungayazi le ndoda. Emva kwakho konke, ngoku unqabile udibana nomntu obini odibene naye kwisitalato.
Umfazi onesizungu unokulungisa njani ubomi bakhe? Namhlanje, abaninzi bazama ukufumana umntu, ukwazi i-intanethi, ezinye ziphumelele. Kukho ii-arhente zemitshato ezininzi ezinikeza iinkonzo zokuzonwabisa, izingosi ezahlukeneyo zokuthandana nokunye okunjalo. Ezi zibonelelo zikunika ukuba ubeke zonke iiparameter eziyimfuneko: yobudala, ukuphakama, ubunzima, iimfuno, injongo yokwazisa kunye njalo njalo. Kukho abantu abanelisekile ngokwaneleyo kwi-intanethi, kodwa xa udibana kunye nokuthetha, kufuneka ulandele imithetho ethile. Cingisisa ukuba xa uthetha nge-intanethi, umfanekiso womntu omelayo kunye nomntu wangempela unokungafani. Emva koko, xa ukuthetha nomntu kuvela ekukhanyeni okulungileyo kakhulu, ngelixa, ngokuqinisekileyo, uzama ukufihla iziphoso. Ngoko ungalilahli ngokupheleleyo kumntu othetha naye kwinethiwekhi, ukuze ebomini bokwenene awuyi kudaniswa.
Ewe xa bethetha nge-intanethi ngenjongo yokuthandana kunye nobudlelwane obusingazifaneli nomntu ongekho, musa ukufaka ifoto yomnye umntu. Unxibelelwano, ube nobulumko, ufundise kwaye ufunde, zama ukuba ngumxhasi othakazelisayo, ubhale ngokubhaliweyo, ungasebenzisi iincwadana ze-hackneyed, ukwazi ukubetha umntu ngendlela efanelekileyo yegama. Musa ukukhawuleza ngokukhawuleza, malunga nomhla olandelayo ukudibana, ukuthetha ngokubanzi kunye nendoda, ufumane ngcono kwaye uqonde, nokuba ngaba kulungile ukudibana naye.
Ukuba emva kwexesha elidibeneyo, ungazami ukuzenza umntu ongekho, ungazami ukuba ngokwakho, ngenxa yokuba isifungo sokuzenzela siza kutshatyalaliswa kamva, kwaye akuyi kuba ngcono nakubani na.
Umfazi onesizungu unokulungisa njani ubomi bakhe? Nomaphi apho unqwenela ukufumana umphefumlo wakho umlingane, ungayeki ukuba awufumananga ngokukhawuleza. Kholelwa ukuba uya kudibana nomhlobo wakho kunye nokwakha ubomi obonwabileyo naye.