Abazali abaninzi bayethusa ngolu hlobo lwamagama. Becinga ukuba ubulili bubangelwa ngabantu abadala, kwaye ukubonakaliswa kwabo kubantwana kukubonakalisa ukuziphatha kakubi, ukungcola kunye nokungaqhelekanga kwengqondo. Nangona kunjalo, umntwana wesini akakwazi ukuchongwa ngokufezekisa umsebenzi wesini. Emzimbeni womntwana, iinkqubo ezihambelanayo azange zenziwe, i. umntwana akavuthanga ngaphambi kokuba. Nangona kunjalo, ukuziphatha komntwana kunqunywe ngumntu wesini, kwaye ngale ndlela sifanele senze intetho engathethekiyo malunga nobulili bomntwana.
USigmund Freud wathi iingxaki zobuntwaba, iziganeko, ukufumanisa kubumba ubuntu bomntu kunye nokutshintsha ubomi bakhe obulandelayo. Ngoko ke, thina abadala kufuneka sifunde ukuthetha ngezihloko zesini. Kodwa kukho apha ukuba imibono iyahlula. "Musa ukuxoxa ngalezi zihloko nabantwana, ngexesha elinye baya kufunda yonke into. Kutheni ixesha lokuqala lidala umdla wokwenza ulwabelana ngesondo? "- Abanye bakholelwa. "Abantwana kufuneka banikwe ulwazi oluthe baninzi," abanye bathi. Kodwa, ngokukodwa, kwiimeko zombini, abantu abadala bafuna ukukhusela abantwana kwintsebenzo yokuqala yesondo. Ngexesha elifanayo, uphando lubonise ukuba abantwana abaselula baqala kunye nabo bantwana abazali babo banamathele kumbono ogqithiseleyo, "i-polar".
Ngokuqhelekileyo abazali bayesaba le ngongoma "elula", bayesaba ukuba abayi kukwazi ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo, kwaye abantwana baya kubaqondi kakuhle. Kodwa ngokwenene sifuna, ukuba ubomi bobuqu bethu babantwana buphumelele ngempumelelo? Ngoko-ke, masiqaphele ingqiqo, kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu - musa ukushiya abantwana bodwa kunye nemibuzo enzima malunga nale nto.
Konke kuqala njani?
Kakade, ukususela ngexesha lokukhulelwa. Isigaba sokubunjwa komntwana ngokwesini ukusuka ekukhulelwe kuze kube sekuzalweni komntwana kuthiwa yithuba lokubeletha. Ngeli xesha, i
Ukwahlukana ngocansi lwe-fetus, ngokuthetha ngomfuziselo, umntwana "uzimisele": uyinkwenkwe okanye intombazana. Ixesha eliqinileyo lokuhlukanisa ngokwesondo lixesha eliphakathi kweyesithandathu ukuya kweyeshumi eveki yesibini yokukhulelwa. Ngeli xesha, umama ufuna ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo, ugweme uxinzelelo kwaye ungathathi unyango, ngaphandle kokuba ungakwenza ngaphandle. Ichaphazela umntwana kwaye umntwana othanda okanye ongafunanga ngumntwana, kwaye unomnqweno oqinileyo wabazali ukuba abe nomntwana wesini esithile. Ukufakelwa okunjalo kwabazali kunokubangela iingxaki zeengqondo kwixesha elizayo kumntwana. Ukuba umama ozayo uyafuna ngentliziyo yakhe ukuba abele umntwana, kwaye upapa sele sele elungiselela izibhanki eziluhlaza kunye nokukhangela iimoto zokudlala, ngaba kuyimangaliswa ukuba intombazana eyayizalelwa iya kukhula njengenqabileyo?
Kwaye ngoku umntwana wazalwa ... Qiniseka ukuba ukondla iimvuthu zakho! Ngobisi lomama, umntwana ufumana, ngaphezu kwezinye izinto ezincedo, umthamo wosuku lweprolactin. Le hormone ephawulekayo ikhuthaza ukutshatyalaliswa kweeseli zengqondo, kwandisa ukunyamezeleka komzimba. Abantwana abayifumanayo kwinani elaneleyo banokuthula kwaye banemihlali. Ukongezelela ubisi lonina, ngamnye umntwana kufuneka afumane i-weasel yomama. Ungesabi kwakhona ukumbamba kunye nokukhathaza umntwana. Ukunyamezela kunye nokuqhagamshelana nomzimba yimiqathango efunekayo yokuba umntwana wakho akhule kwaye akhule ngokuqhelekileyo. Imbonakalo yale minyaka inefuthe elikhulu ekuphuhliseni ubulili kwiminyaka ekhulileyo. Kusemncinci ukuba umntu udala ingqondo engqondweni: "bayandithanda". Ukuphuhliswa kwesimo sengqondo kwixesha elizayo kuxhomekeke kwi-swaddling ye-swaddling, i-stroking, yokuhlamba. Konke oku kuvumela umntwana ukuba abe nexabiso elingabalulekanga lomzimba wakhe "mna", kwaye le ntliziyo ihlala kunye naye ubomi.
Ndiyazi ihlabathi.
Umntwana ukhula, kwaye unomdla emzimbeni wakhe kunye nawo onke amalungu ayo. Abazali batshela umntwana ukuba zonke izicwangciso zomzimba wakhe zibizwa njani, kwaye kuphela izitho zangasese zithintela ingqwalasela okanye zibizwa ngokuba ngamazwi athile.
Umama uhlamba uDasha oneminyaka emine ubudala: "Geza ubuso bakho, intamo, ipeni, imilenze nembongolo." "Mna, Mama, watsho ilizwi elibi! Ngoko ke Kulungile, awukwazi ukuthetha oko! "- intombi iyathukuthela. "Yilapho edibanisa athi:" ungumbingeleli! ", Oku kubi kakhulu. Kwaye xa bethetha ngeesile, akunakwenzeka. Ungabonwa njani na? "- kubuza umama. Intombazana iyacinga.
Nika umntwana wakho ukuba aqonde: akukho "okubi", "ezihlazo" zomzimba ongazikwazi ukuthetha ngazo. Banike amagama afanelekileyo ngaphandle kweentloni kunye neemvakalelo ezingadingekile. Indlela abazali abaphatha ngayo izitho zesini, abantwana "bacinga" ngokusuka kwintetho, ubuso buso, ukuhambelana nemibandela. Yiba lukhulu. Oku kubaluleke kakhulu.
Ngeminyaka emibili, abaninzi abantwana baqala ukuqonda ukuba ngubani abo: inkwenkwe okanye intombazana. Basele bakwazi ukuqonda umahluko phakathi kwesini (ukungafani kobuboniso), kwakunye nelokuba ngelixa eluntwini, akufanele ususe ama-panties akho. Kodwa ngeli xesha umntwana uthanda ukuphazamisa. Umama kuphela uya kubeka umntwana wakhe - kwaye emineni embalwa uhamba kwakhona. Oku kunika umntwana uvuyo olukhulu, kwaye aluhambelani nesigaba somzimba!
Ukuhlambalaza nokubalekela kumama, ozama ukummisa kwakhona, uyavuyisa ngenjabulo into ephazamisayo. Intsana enjengokuthi ithetha: jonga, into endiyithandayo, i-ladnenky, ityan! Musa ukukhawuleza ukugxeka imvakalelo yehlazo ngenxa yobunqunu ngeentetho: "Phew, kubi kangakanani!", "Njengoko ungeyintloni!" Umsebenzi ophezulu wabazali kukuziqhelanisa ngokuthe ngcembe umntwana ngeendlela eziqhelekileyo zokuziphatha. Abantwana akufanelekanga, ngakwesinye icala, bephule imimiselo yokuziphatha, kwaye kwezinye - babe neentloni ngomzimba wabo, bazive bengakhululekile xa kuyimfuneko ukukhawuleza ngokubhekiselele kwintsibano yesini okanye kwindawo yokufumana ugqirha.
Ngamanye amaxesha umnqweno womntwana ukuhlola umzimba wakhe 'usaphula' ngaphandle. Njani ukusabela? Kulula! Isizathu salo mkhuba asiyiyo into eyenziwa, kodwa inomdla. Yilokho okumele ukwenze kwiimeko ezinjalo. Akunakufaneka ukuba unyuke: "Yeka ngokukhawuleza!", "Thatha izandla zakho kude!", Yibetha ngezandla uze ujezise. Ukuba izalamane zithatha kakubi kakhulu, umntwana ulungise ngeli xesha: "Kutheni? Yintoni engalunganga ngayo? Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umntwana unokuba nomdla ophezulu kwizesondo, ngezinye iimvakalelo ezingekho phantsi kwayo ingaba yimithombo yokuqala yeengxaki kwixesha lezesondo. Ukuba ubona ukuba umntwana uthathwa, gxininisa ingqalelo yakhe, unike ithoyiyi into yokudlala, ubuze into ekufuneka ifakwe okanye isuswe. Xa umntwana elala, qiniseka ukuba izibambo ziphezulu kwengubo okanye phantsi kwesigama. Ukuba umntwana akakwazi ukulala ixesha elide, hlala naye, ulibethe entloko okanye emva.
Ukunyundela abantwana.
Oku kudla ngokuba yinkoliso "egulayo" kubazali abaninzi. Abantwana abancinane banokuphazamiseka lula kulo mdlalo ngokudlala okanye nantoni na. Ukuba umntwana uhlaziye ngokukhawuleza kwaye le nto iya kuba nzima, ngoko, mhlawumbi, akunjalo umcimbi wokufunda umzimba wakho. Ukongeza kwiinjongo zophando, zikhona ezibini izizathu ezibalulekileyo zokuphuhliswa kwe-masturbation kubantwana:
1. Ukungathobeli imilinganiselo yococeko yomzimba (ukubetha nge-diaper ukugqithisa kunye ne-dermatitis, iimbungu, izambatho ezinxibekileyo) okanye ngokulandelelana, iinkqubo ezinonophelo zokucoceka.
2. Ukuxinezeleka, ukuzodwa, ukuxhalabisa okubangelwa ukungabikho komfudumala womzali, ukufutheka, ukungayinaki imfuno yomntwana, iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zobundlobongela (kunye nezo zibonakala zingenakubungozi njengokubetha okanye ukunyusa ukutya).
Abazali kufuneka bakhumbule into enye: ukusongelwa kunye nokumemeza kungonakalisa umntwana kuphela. Musa ukuhlwaya, ukwesaba, ukuhlazeka, ukulandelela. Yinakekele ukuba akayi kukhwaza okanye ahlambe iimpahla. Geza ngokucophelela izitho zangasese, kodwa kungekudala.
Imibuzo enzima.
Njengomthetho, abantwana baqala ukubuza imibuzo "enzima" ukususela kwiminyaka emine. Inzala kwiingxaki zezesondo kaninzi ayinayo imibala yesini. Kungcono ukuphendula. Kodwa yintoni echazela ngqo umntwana ngokuzalwa kwakhe? Ndingayichaza njani yonke into? Kakade, akukho iresiphi elungiselelwe. Bonke abantwana bahluke, kwaye omnye akanakukwazi ukubona ngokucacileyo ukuba umntwana uya kuthatha njani inkcazelo. Nangona kunjalo, khumbula: ukuba umntwana akafumani impendulo ngaphakathi kwintsapho, uya kukhangela indawo ethile ngaphandle. Ingaba yintendelezo, i-kindergarten, isikolo, iifilimu okanye iincwadi.
Indlela yokuphendula imibuzo yabantwana?
Kancinci ukulungiselela umntwana ngolwazi olutsha. Ngoko, umbuzo othi "Ndabonakala njani?" Umama angaphendula ngokulula: "Ndakuzalela." Ukuba oko kwanele, umntwana, ixesha elide uya kuzincama, kwaye kamva kamva uya kufuna ukwazi "ukuzala", indlela umntwana angena ngayo kwisisu kunye nendlela ephuma ngayo. Into ephambili kukuba ulwazi olutholileyo lufikeleleka kubantwana. Akunakwenzeka ukuba uhlawule zonke iinkcukacha ngokukhawuleza kwaye ngokukhawuleza. Gcina ukhumbule ukuba umntwana akafumani imiyalezo ngqo, kodwa yonke imiyalezo engqondweni, oziva ngayo. Yilungiselele ukuba uyakwazi ukuchasa ulwazi onika lona, ukucacisa, ubuze abanye abantu. Umntwana kufuneka axelelwe inyaniso ukuba uyakwazi ukuyiqonda. Iingxelo zefayile malunga nesorkork okanye ukuthenga abantwana esitolo ziya kunceda isikhashana. Kungekudala umntwana ufunda ukuba ukhohlisiwe, kwaye oku kuya kunciphisa ukuzithemba kubazali njengomthombo wolwazi oluthembekileyo.
Kodwa nangona inkcazo efanelekileyo yengqondo ayiqinisekisi ukuba yonke into iya kwenza ngaphandle kwesiganeko.
Indima yokudlala imidlalo.
Kwiminyaka engama-4-5 isangqa soqhagamshelwano lomntwana sanda, kunomdla kwiontanga. Ngeli xesha, umntwana akaceli nje imibuzo, kodwa "uhlaziya" indima yabantu abadala. Wonke umntu uyazazi imidlalo yezingane "esibhedlele", "kumama nobaba", "kwindlu" nabanye. Kule midlalo, amantombazana kunye namantombazana "bayayilana", bahlole iingxenye zomzimba (kubandakanywa obusondelene nabo), baze baxelise imifanekiso yokulala. Kuyinto ephawulekayo ukuba ukuba usapho lunabo abazalwana kunye noodade bobudala obufanayo, kwaye bahlala behamba behamba ekhaya, ngoko umdlalo wabo awukhohlisi mntu. Ngokuzithemba, abantwana banokuxubusha ukuba kutheni abafana bele ndlela, kwaye amantombazana ahluke
Kulo lolwandle kunamakhwenkwe amancinci amabini: inkwenkwe nentombazana. Cinga ngomnye nomnye. Le nkwenkwe inomdla: "Ukhutshiwe? Ngaba ulahlekile? "" Hayi! - intombazana iphendule, - kwaye yayisithi! »Intsana iyamangalisa:« Ukwakhiwa okukrakra! »
Yonke imidlalo ebandakanya ubumfihlo kunye nokufihla (abathathi-nxaxheba bafihla phantsi kombhede, bakhe indlu okanye indlu) vumela abantwana ukuba bacime iinqwenela zabo, qwalasela into enqatshelwe ngokufanelekileyo, vumela uxhumano lomzimba omnye nomnye. Bazali, ngubani ootyiswayo ngokuziphatha okunjalo, ukuba basebenzise imilinganiselo yokunyamezela, musa ukwenza izinto ezinomdla kumntwana. Khumbula: ezinjalo izenzo azonakalisi umdla, kodwa zenza iimeko ezinzima zokwenza uxanduva, zidibanise umntwana kwaye zenze ukuba umnqweno wenze okuthile ngasese. Ukuze anelise umnqweno wakhe, umntwana uyanyanzelekile ukuba athande. Kuba nguye ngumdlalo nje. Isiqhamo esinqatshelwe sithandeka kakhulu! Umdlalo unikeza ithuba elihle lokufundisa umntwana umgaqo olula kwaye ubaluleke kakhulu: akukho mntu uvunyelwe ukumthinta ngokuthanda kwakhe! Njengoko unokuthula, uchazela umntwana ukuba "yedwa". Abazali bafanele bakhumbule ukuba oko kuthiwa indawo yendawo yinto ebaluleke kakhulu kunoma yimuphi umntu. Lo ngumzimba womntwana, kunye neemfihlo zabantwana bakhe, kunye neminqweno yakhe.
Ngamanye amaxesha umntwana ubonisa isidingo esinyanisekileyo sokuthintana nabantu abadala kunye nabanye abantwana. Ucela kuwe ngamadolo, unxibe yonke iminithi, ukubetha, ukuchukumisa, ukugubungela amehlo akhe ngokuzonwabisa. Yithobela le miboniso. Ziyakwazi ukubonakalisa ukuba umntwana uvakalelwa ukungabi nothando kubathandekayo kwaye uzama ukuhlawulela oko ngenxa yengqalelo yabangaphandle.
Inkwenkwana eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, isondela kwintombazana entle, ithi kuye: "Uyi doll yami!" Kuye kwenzeka ukuba ubaba uthetha ngunina. Oku kulandelwa ngokuqhelekileyo. Ukubonakaliswa kobubele, ukunakekelwa kunye nokuqwalasela omnye nomnye kuthintela ngokuqinisekileyo imfundo yesondo yomntwana. Nangona kunjalo, ukubonwa kwezigcawu ze-frank, kwaye nangakumbi nangokwabelana ngesondo ngabazali, kunokulimaza kakhulu ingqondo yengane, kwaye iziphumo zeso sikhwazo zingabonakali ngokukhawuleza.
Iphulo elibalulekileyo abazali abafanele bawuqwalasele lithandwa kubafana okanye emantombazaneni emidlalo engekho ngesini sabo. Mhlawumbi lo luphawu lweenguqu, ukuphazamiseka kwendima yesondo yomntwana, oko kunokubangela ubunzima ekukhetheni iqabane lobomi kwikamva. Oku akufanelekanga. Ukuba intombazana igxotha ama-typewriters, iphosa iipopi, kunye nenkwenkwe ezama izambatho zokubeletha - cinga ngako. Mhlawumbi inkqubo yeenguqu sele iqalile. Mlandela ngokucophelela umntwana kwaye ungaphuthelwa le mzuzu obalulekileyo.
Ukuze umntwana aphuhlise kakuhle kwaye angaboni ubunzima ebomini bakhe bodwa kwixesha elizayo, kufuneka adlule onke amanqanaba okuphuhlisa ngokwesini. "Ndiyabulela umabonwakude" okanye unganyanzelwanga yimigaqo yokuziphatha ephepheni, abantwana bethu bangakwazi ukufumana ulwazi malunga nolwalamano ngokwesini kunokuba luyimfuneko, kwaye kungekhona nakwindlela 'abanokugaya' olu lwazi. Yaye oko ngokwabo kukuxinzeleleka kakhulu kumntwana kwaye kunokukhokelela ukuphuhliswa kobuntwana ngesini esingalunganga. Ukuze oku kungenzeki, zinike ulwazi lwezingane ngokwabo, ngexesha elifanelekileyo kwaye lenziwe. Thanda abantwana bakho kwaye uthembele kubo!