Ukwazi ezinye zeziganeko zobudlelwane babantu, i-psychology yoqhagamshelwano iya kuhlala isinika iresiphi yendlela yokukholisa abafana abanobudlelwane obubi kakhulu.
Okokuqala, kufuneka uqonde ukuba kutheni ulwalamano olubi kunye nomfana. Ngamanye amaxesha akusona iphoso lakho, kodwa iphoso labahlobo abaqhelekileyo, izalamane. Omnye uthethile into, kwaye ngoku umfana sele ecinga ukuba awukho konke onjalo. Umlinganiselo othile wokunyamezela konke okufunekayo ukulungisa le meko.
Enye into yokuba wena ubeka uxanduva lolwalamano olunjalo: ukuba uziphatha kakubi, okanye wenza iphutha. Kodwa musa ukuphelelwa yithemba kanye, iimpazamo ezininzi zingalungiswa. Khawucinge nje ukuba abanye abantu bayinqununu, kwaye ukuphumelela, kuya kuthatha ixesha elininzi kunye nomgudu. Kodwa ukuba uyayithanda, mhlawumbi kuyinyaniso, kuyafaneleka. Ngaphezu koko, nokuba ngaba awuphumelelanga, ekugqibeleni uya kufumana amava amancedo. Kwaye amava aza kuncedisa ukwakha ubudlelwane nabanye abantu.
Abantu abahlobo nabahle bathanda wonke umntu. Ukuba unomntu olwalamano olubi, ungazami ukubonisa. Ukuba uyasabela kakubi malunga nalo mfana, okanye uvakalise intlungwini yokuba wenza into engalunganga, yena ngokwakhe usebenza kakubi ngawe, ngoko akunakwenzeka ukuba uya kumthanda lo mfana. Ngokuchasene noko, umntu kufuneka azame ukungaqwalasela izinto ezimbi. Ukuba umntu uzama ukuthetha kakubi emehlweni akho, kungcono ukuguqula ingxoxo kwenye yesihloko, weqa phezu kwamagama okanye uthi bonke abantu baneziphene. Jonga imeko. Ngamanye amaxesha incoko enjalo isetyenziswe ngokukhethekileyo ukuvusa ukungafuni. Kubantu abathile oku kunenzuzo.
Zama ukuphendula kakuhle malunga nomntu phambi kwabantu ababaziyo, kwaye ngubani onokumxelela ngamagama akho. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba ngoku kufuneka udumise. Kungcono kwaye kusemgangathweni xa ubeka ingqalelo kwezinye izinto ezintle. Mhlawumbi wenza okuthile kakuhle, okanye ngokuhlakanipha wenza ngendlela.
Xa udibana nalo mfana, zama ukuba nobubele, ukumncumo, nokuba akathethi nawe. Ukuba wenza ngathi akukho nto ekhethekileyo eyenzekayo, uya kuphumelela kuphela. Emva koko, imigaqo yokwethembeka, phakathi kwezinye izinto, ifuna ukuba abantu bangabonisi ubundlobongela obuvulekileyo. Unokucinga ukuba udibene nalo mfana.
Zama ukufumanisa isizathu sokuba uthe wagcina ubuhlobo obubi kakhulu nalo mntu. Ukuba wenza uluvo olubi ngawe ngokwemizwi yabanye abantu, ngoko kufuneka uzame ukuthetha naye kwaye uthi kukulungele ukuba akugwebe.
Ukuba usuvele wenze iphosakelo, kwaye ngoku umfana uphelelwe ngumsindo, unokumxelela ukuba abantu banako ukutshintsha ixesha, kwaye uyaqonda ukuba unetyala kunye nokuguquka kwento eyenziwe. Kungcono, ewe, ukuba unokuqinisekisa amagama akho ngezenzo.
Ukuba loo mntu uyakuphepha, unokuzama ukutyelela ngokuphindaphindiweyo kwiindawo apho uya khona. Ukwenzela ukuba iintlanganiso zenzeke ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba uzifumanisa kunye kwiphankaso apho kukho abantu abaphatha kakuhle kwaye nawe, baya kuncedisa ukuxhatshazwa kwebudlelwane.
Ngamanye amaxesha unokucela umntu wesithathu ukukunceda nokulungiselela intlanganiso kunye nomfana okanye uthethe naye.
Elinye iphuzu elibalulekileyo. Kukho amantombazana abathanda ukuhlupheka. Ngokuqinisekileyo, awuyi kuzivuma kuwe. Kodwa ukuba awukwazi ukwenza nantoni na, okanye ukuba ulwalamano kunye nomfana, kwaye kwakhona, ngokungathi ngenjongo yokwenza impazamo, ngoko ke, awudingi ulwalamano olonwabileyo. Isizathu salo mkhuba singabangela iingxaki zengqondo, ngokuqhelekileyo amantombazana awakhuliswa ngaphandle koyise, akwazi ukukhetha umntu ofanelekileyo. Kule meko kungcono ukubonisana nengcali yengqondo.
Akufanele uvumele ukulimala. Zama ukuphatha yonke into njengomdlalo. Ukuba awubonisi ukuba ufuna ukukholisa lo mfana, kuya kuba lula kuwe ukuba ufumane indawo yakhe. Iphutha elikhulu liza kukucinga rhoqo malunga noko abantu baya kuthetha ngalo okanye kweso sihlandlo, kunye naloo mfana.
Ungamvumeli umfana ukuba ahlambele kuwe, ubhedu. Maxa wambi abantu bazama ukulahla intombazana enje. Okokuqala, kufuneka ufunde ukulawula imeko kwaye uthathe inkokheli kulwalamano. Emva koko unokushukumisa umbono wakhe ngawe. Okwesibini, njengomfana obonisa ngokucacileyo ukungathandi kwakhe kuwe, akunakwenzeka. Kumele uqale udlulisele ubudlelwane bakho kwesinye ishaneli. Sithe sathetha malunga nendlela omele ukhulume ngayo njengabantu abonakala bebethe badibana. Oko kukuthi, ngokuzithoba, mhlawumbi kubanda kakhulu, kodwa kungabi ngonya.
Ukuziphatha kakubi, ngokuqhelekileyo, akufanekiyo nabafana abaqhelekileyo (ngaphandle kokuba uneminyaka eyi-10 ubudala kwaye uzame ukukudonsa nge-pigtail). Kufanelekile ukucinga, kodwa ngaba ufuna ngokwenene loo mntu? Emva kwakho konke, ukubukeka okukhangayo akusoloko kuthetha ukuba ngumntu ontle. Ngokulula, abaninzi banokwenza impazamo, kwaye bacinga ukuba zangaphandle zihambelana nomntu ongaphakathi. Iingcali zengqondo zinexesha elinjenge "impembelelo yecala elihle." Kuthetha ukuba senza ingcamango yethu kwabanye abantu ngesenzo sokuqala okanye uphawu, owokuqala owabamba iso lethu. Sikholelwa ukuba indoda elungileyo, xa edibanweni yokuqala yayiziphatha njengoko sasithandayo. Kukho "umphumo wokungcola okubi." Ngokumelene naye, umele ufune ukulwa ukuseka umtshato.
Ngokomgaqo, akukho siqinisekiso sokuba uya kudibana njengendoda kunye nentombazana, kwaye kungekhona nje ngokuba ngabahlobo okanye obaziyo, nangona xa unako ukuseka ubudlelwane kunye nomfana. Kwimeko nayiphi na, zama, kwaye uya kuba neentshaba ezincinci.