Ukuzimela phakathi kwendoda nomfazi

Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo kwimpilo yethu yemihla ngemihla kwakungekho ncamango "yowesifazane ozimeleyo". Ubudlelwane beentsapho de ukuya kuma-1970 kunye no-1980 babonwa njengexabiso elibalulekileyo. Yaye intsapho yaqondwa njengento yonke.

Ukususela ngoko, izinto ezininzi zitshintshile, kwaye ngoku ukuzimela kwabasetyhini akukhathazi mntu. Ngaphezu koko, wayeka ukubonwa njengomqondiso wendoda endala okanye olahlekileyo ongenakukwazi ukwakha ubomi bomntu. Ngoku ukuzimela phakathi kwendoda nomfazi kuyintsikelelo apho abaninzi bafuna. Kodwa akubona wonke umntu ofunda ukuhlala nayo. Ngoko ke sijonge iintlobo eziliqela zobudlelwane obuzimeleyo, kwaye sinqume oko kunokukwenziwa nabo.

Ukuzimela ngokomoya

Iingcali zengqondo ezifunda ukuphazamiseka kwentsapho kunye nomtshato zithetha ukuba inxalenye ebalulekileyo yokuqhawula umtshato kwinqanaba lomyeni libangelwa ukuxhomekeka kokuxhomekeke komfazi. Xa umfazi ebeka umyeni wakhe phakathi kwendawo yonke kunye neminqweno yakhe ibalulekile kuye, loo ndoda iyancipha. Kwaye xa ezisa ukuba akakwazi ukwenza isigqibo esincinci ngaphandle kwakhe, uyavuya kuwo onke amazwi akhe anomnene aze adabuke kwisenzo esicatshulwa kakubi, umntu uqala ukudideka yimilenze kunye nezandla. I-Paradox, kodwa amadoda aqhelekanga afuna ukuba yinto enomdla kuphela yomfazi wabo. Nantoni na ayithethayo ngamazwi, bayayithanda xa umfazi enezinye iindlela zokuziqonda iimvakalelo zakhe, kunokuthetha nabo.

Ukuxhomekeka komzwelo kunokuzibonakalisa kwezinye iifom ezingathandekiyo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umfazi wayekhulile kwintsapho apho i-scandals yayisisidlangalaleni, yena nomyeni wakhe bazama ukukhupha iingxabano. Uyibuyisela ngobuchule, kodwa engabonakaliyo ngokwakhe, kwaye ngoko novuyo kunye nengqiqo yeengxelo ezifezekileyo kubahlobo bakhe ukuba "bonke abantu bastards."

Kubonakala ukuba ukukwazi ukufumana iimvakalelo kunye nokukwazi ukuwuchitha ngaphaya kobudlelwane phakathi kwendoda nomfazi kubaluleke kakhulu kwimpumelelo ebomini bakhe. Ukuba ufuna ubuhlobo obude kunye novuyo wakhe, iya kwimiboniso, ukhangise kunye nabahlobo kunye nabahlobo, funda iincwadi, ubukele iifilimu ezintle, zithetha kwi-intanethi. Into ephambili - musa ukuboshwa kwindoda. Abaxoleli oku!

Ukuxhomekeka kwengqondo kwesafilosofi u-Erich Fromm wabiza ngokuthi "ubugqila-uthando." Ukholelwa ukuba "uthando-inkululeko" kuphela lunikeza umntu ulonwabo lokwenene. Ukwahlukana phakathi kwabo kunokubonakaliswa ngamagama alula. "Ndiyakuthanda kakhulu, ukuba ngaphandle kwakho andinako", "uthando-ubugqila". Kwaye ukuba uthetha ngesazela esicacileyo: "Ndiyakuthanda kakhulu, kodwa ndiyakwenza ngaphandle kwakho" - lo luleko lwenkululeko. Fromm wayethemba ukuba ubudlelwane obuzinzile, obuzinzileyo, obonwabileyo kunye obudibeneyo buphakathi kwezi zibini apho ngamnye umtshato wesibini "wamkhulula" enye inkululeko engqondweni yakhe. Ngalezo zibini, ngokuqhelekileyo akukho ndoda okanye umfazi asebenzise kakubi inkululeko yabo, kwaye ungazami ukulimaza omnye nomnye, ukuphulwa kwemigaqo-siseko yobunxibelelwano obuphilileyo, ungazami ukwenza umona ongenangqiqo kwaye ungazikhwele.

Ukuzimela kwemali

Amanye amabhinqa athi: "Silwa-silwa nobufazi, ngoku siyilungisa." Mhlawumbi, bathetha ukuba amadoda sele asandul 'uvuyo wamkela amandla okwenza umfazi ukuba azimeleyo ngokwezemali. Basenokumphathisa kalula ukuba baxhase intsapho yakhe kwaye benze izigqibo ezibalulekileyo. Ngokuzimela phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, abafana bafumene ukusebenzisa kwabo. Kwaye sele sele iintsapho apho indoda iyakuthola khona, kwaye umfazi uhlala ekhaya nabantwana, abe yintlanethi.

Enyanisweni, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngayo. Sekuyisikhathi eside iingcali zeengqondo zaseMerika ziqaphele ukuba kwiintsapho apho ilungu ngalinye lentsapho linalo iindleko zesikhwama, zifumana iimfazwe ezimbalwa ngenxa yemali. Ngoko kuyinto eqhelekileyo kwintsapho enempilo, xa engekho umfazi, kwaye indoda ayiyi kugcina ibhajethi jikelele ezandleni zayo. Yaye xa nganye igalelo kuhlahlo lwabiwo-mali, kwaye wonke umntu-kuquka nabantwana abavela kwiminyaka elishumi ubudala-unabhajethi yakhe siqu.

Nantsi kubalulekile ukukhankanya ukuba kukho amaxesha apho ukwahlukana kohlahlo lwabiwo-mali kungafanelekanga. Ukukhulelwa nokuzalwa komntwana kwenza ukuba umfazi akwazi ukuzondla ixesha elithile. Ngoko akunakulungele ukwakha inkolo kunye nokuyeka ukuzimela kwemali phakathi komntu nomfazi wakhe. Kukho konke kufuneka kubekho "intsingiselo yegolide".

Ukuzimela ngokwesondo

Yilokho okumele kugwenywe kulwalamano, ngoko luhlobo oluvulekileyo. Njengoko iingcaphephe zengqondo zentsapho zibonisa, abantu abathile abasecaleni bangaphumelela ukuhamba "kwicala" labo baqabane okanye iqabane elingenalo ingozi yengqondo. Kwaye kunjalo nangakumbi oko kukufanelekile ukucinga ngemiphumo xa unikwe ubuhlobo apho iqabane ngalinye liyakwazi ukunxibelelana kwicala.

Ubuqhetseba ngokuqhelekileyo kuthathwa ngokuba "ngongoma wokungaphambuki" kwintsebenziswano. Oku kuthetha ukuba ukuhlambalaza kubaluleke kakhulu ebomini bentsapho, eguqula ubuhlobo kuyo. Iimbambano ezininzi ngokukhawuleza okanye emva koko zizahlukana emva kokungcatshiswa, nokuba ngaba zihamba ixesha zikwazi ukuphendula amehlo. Kwaye amadoda anenkohlakalo ngakumbi kulo mba kunabesifazane. Indoda inokuthi ukuba akahambisani nokuba nomfazi wakhe okanye umfazi othandekayo azama ukulala ngesinye nomnye umntu. Nangona kunjalo, ekusebenzeni, ngokukhawuleza xa kufikelelwe ekuzalisekeni, udla ngokuqhenqa ihenyukazi kwindlu yakhe. Akunzima ukuqinisekisa oku. Ukuba umntu wakho uthe akahambisani nezihlanganisi ezintathu, ubulili beqela kunye neentengiso kwicala, mnikele - ubuncinane ngokuzijabulisa ngesondo ngesithathu. Kwaye uza kubona ukuba ngesondo, apho ekhoyo kunye nabasetyhini ababini, uya kuvuma ngokukhawuleza nangokuzithandela kunokuba abe ngesondo, apho kukho namadoda amabini.

Ukuba ungekho nkalipho ukuzama ukunyanzelisa loo nto, ke uthembele nje kwiingcamango zengcali. Iingcali zengqondo zisebenza ngokubanzi nabantu kwaye zibona ziphi iintlobo zobudlelwane ezinokubangela ukuba umntu abe nolonwabo kunye nokuvisisana, kwaye yiyiphi indlela yokufa ekupheleni. Kutheni ufanele uhlolisise esikhwameni sakho oko kuhlolwe ngamakhulu amabini amabini, kwaye ubeka izinto zakho ezimbi?