Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kukunyamekela ukuthokoza, ukuzonwabisa, kunye nolunye - ukugwema ukuxhomekeka, kuba ukuba unxulumene nomoya nomntu - kuthetha ukuba uyaxhomekeka, kodwa njani enye? Umxholo wokubandakanyeka komoya kungengokwengqondo kuphela, kodwa ifilosofi kunye nenkolo. Ngokomzekelo, kwiBuddhism, eTaoism, intukuthelo, i-detachment yamkelekile. Kwaye kwiOrdodoxy, ukunyamekela kuyalahlwa, kwaye into ebizwa ngokuthi "ingqiqo" ikhuthazwa. Ngokuphathelele kwengqondo, ndiza kwahlula imiqondo "yokuxhomekeka" kunye "nesinamathiselo." Ukuba uchithekile ekubandakanyekeni kwakho kwimizwa, phelelwa "I" yakho, ubungqina bakho buxhomekeka. Kodwa ukuba iimvakalelo zilawula wena, kodwa unako ukubuyela kwi "I" yakho, imeko yakho - lo mvakalelo onempilo, uthando. Nangona kunjalo, xa ungeke ukwazi ukujamelana neemvakalelo zakho, ukuphendula, ukulahlekelwa ukulawulwa kwimeko, ngoko, ukuthetha ngokwezenzululwazi, sisebenzelana ne-pathology of drives, umlutha. Kwiilwimi zehlabathi, siza kuthetha ngomnye umntu: "wabambelela, wanyamekela," "yaxhamla, ipereklinilo." Ngokubhekiselele kubantu abangafuni ukufumana izilwanyana ngenxa yesi sizathu esingentla, ezi zilandelayo zilandelayo zilandelayo zilandelayo: i-neurotic yinto ethintela ubunzima bokubeka. Kodwa njani ukujongana nabantu abadala? Njani abaculi, iingqungquthela, abaculi ngaphandle kokugqithisa? Lo ngumbane womntu odala, kwaye unamandla ngakumbi, ukuvelisa ngakumbi!
Ewe. Njengoko sonke siyakhumbula, uVan Gogh wayethwele-wayinqumle indlebe yakhe ekuhlaselweni, okanye kwihambo. Ngaba uyayazi indlela abafundisi bezithethe ngayo? Indoda ingakhokelwa yimimoya yokukhanya, kwaye iyakwazi-imnyama. Ngoku kutshanje, izazi ze-neurologists ziye zafumanisa ukuba i-60 ukuya ku-80% yamandla onke asetyenziswa ngongqondo ibandakanyeka kwiinkqubo ezingahambelani naluphi na ukuvuselela kwangaphandle. Kwaye oku kungumsebenzi wangaphakathi, ongachangekanga weengqondo zesayensi obizwa ngokuthi igama elithi "amandla amnyama". Ngaphambili, abaphandi babekholelwa ukuba ubuchopho baphumula nje, kwaye ezinye zezinto ezigqithiseleyo zenziwa njengengxolo yengqondo. Kwenzekani? Oko kwakucingwa ingxolo, eqinisweni, yayingummandla wokwandisa umsebenzi wengqondo, osebenza xa siphumule. Ukubeka nje, lo mandla akhululwa ngethuba lomsebenzi womntu, kodwa xa ukhululekile. Le ngxaki kwiminyaka yamuva ifundwe kwii-laboratories ezininzi ze-neurophysiological. Ngokwenene, amatsha, amaqela angaphambili angaziwa asebenza ngaphakathi kwengqondo afunyenwe. Kodwa kuvela, le nto ayifanelekanga? Kutheni sifuna amandla xa siphumla? Ekuboneni kokuqala, iinzuzo azibonakali. Nangona kunjalo, umsebenzi walezi ziza unentsingiselo ebalulekileyo: ukuba senza lula kwaye singangeni kwimimiselo yenzululwazi, indima yabo kukusiqhelanisa noko kuya kuba, ukulungiselela iziganeko ezizayo. Le nxalenye ibizwa ngokuba yi-SPPRM- "inethiwekhi yendlela yokwenza ingqondo."
Ukufumana oku kuhambelana njani nesihloko sethu namhlanje? Inyaniso kukuba ingqondo yomntu oxhomekeke kakhulu kwizinto azisebenzi ngokupheleleyo. Ubunako obufihlakeleyo, amandla angatshatyalaliswayo asinika amandla, ashukumisela, anceda ukulungelelanisa ikusasa, ukuba aphile, njengoko athethayo, epheleleyo - lo mandla unobuthakathaka ukuba kukho ukuxhomekeka kwintsholongwane. Uyazi ukuba kutheni? Ngenxa yokuba, njengoko kwavela, yinto yangaphakathi, amandla efihlakeleyo yengqondo ejongene neemeko zethu zengqondo. Xa, iminyaka elishumi edlulileyo, uMarcus Reichl, waseMelika, we-neuropsychologist, wachaza okokuqala into eyenziwa yingqondo yobuchopho, xa umntu egxininisa kwimisebenzi efanayo, abazange bamkholelwe. Bafumanise impazamo. Njani? Mntu, uthi, zonke ziqhutywe kumdlalo wezokugembula, unako konke-ingqalelo, ixesha, kwaye ingqondo ayisebenzi? Delirium yohlobo oluthile! Kodwa hayi! Ngeli xesha, kukho into efana neenkqubo zokudandatheka, oko kukuthi: umsebenzi wezobuchopho uyancipha! Yingakho "ukulungiswa" akukwazi ukuphuma kwinqanaba elivaliweyo lokukhanga. Benza isimo esifana nokuxinezeleka. Iphawulwe ngumsebenzi obonakalayo, kodwa kuyimfuneko nje ukuzama ukuyiyeka - kwaye umntu uwele ekudakaleni okubonakalayo, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo ebizwa ngokuthi "ukuphula". Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba umthande umntu kwaye ugweme ukuxhomekeka? Kubonakala kum ukuba uthanda kakhulu, ukuxhomekeke ngakumbi kuyo - ucinga ngalo, ulindele kuye ukuqinisekiswa kothando lwakhe ... Vumelana, xa uthanda umntu, awukwazi ukuphatha oko kwenzekayo ngeempumlo ebanda. Awubizanga - kakuhle, ulungile. Azange anike iintyatyambo - ngoko? Utshintshe - akukho nto iyingozi ... Ngubani ongakwazi ukusabela ngokulile?
Masikhumbule isigaba samandulo samaGrike ezintlobo zothando: i-eros (inzondelelo), i-agape (inxulumane nothando), i-storge (uthando-trust), uthando (uthando). U-Eros uluthando, ukukhanga, inzondelelo, apho ungenamandla. Indlela enjalo yothando lomntu: uxinzelelo, ukuhlaselwa, ukunqoba. UFilia ngumthando-uthando, kunoko, uvakalelwa ngokomoya nangentlungu. Kusondele ekuthandeni kwentombazana, kunye nokuthanda kwabahlobo. U-Agape uyithandabuzo, uthando lokomoya. Izele ngokubingelela nokuzimela, okwakhiwe ngomonde nokuxolelwa, kwaye ukhumbuza uthando lomama, lukhulu kunye nokuzincama. I-Storge - abazali, intsapho yothando, epheleleyo kunye nenkathalo. Ukuxhomekeka kuninzi kunokwenziwa yi-eros. Kwaye ukuba ulwalamano luqhutyelwa kuphela ngothando, ngokwesondo, ngoko ke, kunoko, kukho umngcipheko omkhulu wokuxhomekeka kwintanda. Kulo xwebhu kuhlala kukho inxalenye ebuhlungu. Kodwa ukuba ubuhlobo "bude ubude", kukho ithemba, imfesane, kunye nobuhlobo kubo, ngoko yinto enzulu yokwenene, uthando lokwenene. Olunye ugugu olubalulekileyo: uthando luvame ukuvela njenge-eros, kwaye kamva ezinye izinto zongezwa kwintliziyo-agape, isebe, igxotha ... Ulwalamano lukhula kwaye luya kwinqanaba eliphezulu. Kwaye oku kukho uvuyo kokubili, kwindoda nomfazi. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba omnye kumbini ulungele ukuya kwelinye nqanaba, kwaye okwesibini ayikho. Omnye usenalo luthando oluncinane, ndifuna ukuzithemba ngakumbi, ukusondelana ngokomoya, kwaye okwesibini akuzivumeli kum, ugcina umgama, uvale kuzo zonke iinzame zokutshintsha ifom yobudlelwane. Kwaye umntu ocela uxhamlo olusenyongweni luya kuxhomekeka. Akayiqondi into eyenzekayo, kutheni bafihla kuye, basuswe - yena, ngokuthethileyo, uthetha intloko yakhe eludongeni ukuze aguqule imeko. Kuyafaneleka, ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuba ungathethi "yena", kodwa "yena", kuba abafazi basoloko bexhomekeka ekuthandweni. Kwaye amadoda adibanisa ukubaluleka kwinqanaba lezesondo, isondo, kunye nesondo ebuthathaka kwiimvakalelo, umphefumlo. Ngokweemvakalelo, isondo esomeleleyo sinokuqala kunobuthathaka. Kuba oomama, isondo, ngokuqinisekileyo, kubalulekile, kodwa ukubaluleka kakhulu kukubonakalisa ukuhambelana, ukunyamekela nokuqonda. Nangona kunjalo, ndiyaphinda, le yinto eyaziwayo. Yaye inyaniso yokuba ibhinqa elincinci lingenza umntu abe nengqiqo yobomi bakhe, kwaye indoda kule nto iya kufuna ixesha eliphindwe kabini okanye kathathu ngaphezulu, lenze lithembele kulwalamano lwakhe nolunyuliweyo. Ungenxa yakhe-iphela yonke indawo, kwaye yena kuye-inxalenye yendalo yonke, kwaye akunjalo. Kwaye, eqinisweni, ufuna ngaphezulu, uqala ukunamathela kule ntsapho, uxhomeke kuyo, angenelele, akanakuqonda ngokucacileyo oko kwenzekayo. Siyazi ukuba ukuxhomekeka kobubele kuphathwa kakubi - ngokungafani nezinye izilingo. Ndicinga ukuba akunakwenzeka ukufumana i-antidote, ityrapy. Ngaphandle kwonyango lokuxhomekeka kweziyobisi, ugqirha unikeza into ngokubuyisela, into engeyona yingozi. Ngobudlelwane obusondeleyo, akukho nanye. Ewe, musa ukwenza i-lobotomy!
Ukuxhomekeka komthando kuthathwa ngobunzima, kuba kuthinta i-value-semantic sphere yobomi bowesifazane. Khawucinge nje: le ntombazana inothando, yayichitha amandla amaninzi, iimvakalelo malunga nolwalamano, apho wayekholelwa khona, umntu owayecinga ukuba udibanise nayo ingxaki yakhe, abelethe abantwana bakhe, athole indawo ebomini bakhe, kwaye ngelinye ilanga uthi kuye: "Ndiyaxolisa, Andiyi kukunyamezela wena, ungowesifazane omhle, kodwa andinakukwazi ukudala izimo ozifunayo ebomini, abantwana abafaki ukufashisa ngoku, "njl njl." Uphahla "lunokuhamba-kokubili ukuphelelwa lithemba kunye nokunyaniseka, kunye notywala, kunye ne-spree ... Ukungahambi kakuhle kwindlela yokubangela ukuba kungabikho mntu okhohlakeleyo e mathumbu! Kwaye ngoku umfazi ulahla onke amandla akhe ukukhangela iimpazamo zakhe: ndiyintoni na into engalunganga? a kunjalo? wathini na? Emva koko kukho iinzame zokufumana ubuhlobo. Kodwa akabonakali kukuhlambalaza ... Isangqa sivala. Kodwa ke, loo nto ayikho ithemba, nangona izisa ubuninzi beengqondo. Ukususela ekuthandeni umlingo ungayilahla. Into ephambili leyo ntokazi ibona ukuba imeko yakhe iyonakalisayo kwaye idinga ukulungiswa kwengqondo. Kubonakala ukuba umgaqo wonyango wokuxhomekeka kotywala. Kukho, emva koko, bathi: ngelixa umntu onxilayo engazi ukuba uyaxhomekeka kutywala kwaye akafuni ukuphiliswa, akukho nto iya kuvela kuyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo! Kubalulekile ukuba ibhinqa lifuna ukulahla uthando lwakhe olubuhlungu. Ngenye imini umama wazisa intombi yam ukuba ndibone. Umfundi, oneminyaka engama-21 ubudala. Uthandana nomfundi ofunda naye, kwaye uyayiphatha. Le ntombazana ibukele umfana emnyango, ikhweze ngeenxa, ibuhlungu. Emva kokuba eze ekhaya, unina wayithatha waza wathi: "Hayi, waya kumamakazi waya eLugansk!" Yaye, efuna ukuthanda kwakhe, engafuni ixesha elide, wagijimela kwisikhululo - waya eLugansk, engenazo iimpahla, ehlambulukileyo, engazi idilesikazi. Wandula malunga nomzi, wachitha ubusuku kwisikhululo, inkwenkwana yakhe ayizange ihlangane (akazange ahambe naphi) - waza wabuyela eKiev ngeqanda (kwakusentwasahlobo). Emva koko, umama waqaphela ukuba kwakuyimfuneko yokuba intombi yakhe ibonise umgqirha. Intombazana yathi e-ofisini yam, ibinzana elithi: "Akukho nto, uyangithanda!" Bonke abesifazana abaxhomekeke ekuthandweni, bathandise ngokucinga ukuba ngokukhawuleza umntu uya kuba yinto ephuphayo ngayo - ephendula iimvakalelo zakhe, uya uthando nokunyamekela. Ndiyanithembisa ukuba ukuba le ngxoxo ifundwa ngumfazi oxhomekeke kuye, uya kuthi: "Mna, mfundisi-ntsi apha uthi afuna - ndiya kuhluka, uKolya (Petya, Vasya) uya kundithanda!" Ndiyaphinda: kude kube yintokazi eyazi ukuba kwenzekani kuye, kwaye akafuni ukumisa eli bali, akayi kukwazi ukumsindisa kwintlungu yothando. Kwaye into enye, ngaphandle kwalolu catshulwa "Uya kusandithanda," udibanisa amantombazana awela ekuthandweni ngothando? Mhlawumbi iimpawu zomlinganiswa ziqhelekileyo? Okanye amava abantwana afanayo?
Phantse bonke abafazi abaxhomekeke kwiimpawu ezilandelayo. Kwindlela yokuziphatha - ukunyanzela ukuchaza into ethile kumntu kwaye ngokubanzi "ukuba kusondele". Ngokwemvakalelo - ukuphosa ekuphelelwe yithemba ukuya ekubeni nethemba, ukungena kwizinkumbulo apho "yonke into yayilungileyo," ekucingeni - ukungakwazi ukucinga ukuba ulawulwa. Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, into ephambili: ukunqotshwa komntu, oko kukuthi, ukuphazamiseka kokuzithemba. Ngaba uthetha ukuzithemba? Hayi, ukuzithemba kungenako okwaneleyo, kwaphakamileyo. Ukuzithemba ngokuncinci xa umntu eyeka ukuva ukubaluleka kunye nexabiso "lakhe". Nantsi kungenjalo, kwaye mhlawumbi i-hypertrophied "I", xa idibanisa "nge" yowomnye, kodwa ngokuzikhohlisa kwayo, iguqulwe njengephupha. Zingaphi izihlandlo ndibonile abafazi abanesidima esikhulu, kunye neziphumo zobomi obumangalisayo - kwaye ngelixa begijimela ezinyaweni zabantu, bazinikela ngokupheleleyo. Le ndlela yokuziphatha iyawuthintela ngokupheleleyo umfazi wesilingano, isikhulu sobungcipheko. Akayiqondi into ebaluleke kakhulu kuye: umsebenzi wakhe? bantwana? intombi? zempilo? Ngenxa yokuba umntu oxhomekeke kuyo, uye waba yinto ephezulu kakhulu, umxholo oyintloko wobomi bakhe. Yaye yintoni umntu angabangela ukulahleka kweziko lokudakalisa? Yintoni okanye ngubani oba yinto ephezulu kwizesondo eziqinileyo? Amadoda aneemali, amandla, umsebenzi, abafazi, i-casino, ukuzingela, imidlalo ... konke okuphakamisa isimo sabo, yonke into, apho babalekela ekuphelelwe ithemba kunye nokungabi nentsingiselo yobomi babo. Kungekudala, ndidla ngokufunda ukuba ezinye izixhomekeke: ukutya, ukususela ekunxibelelaneni okubonakalayo, kwi-SMS-correspondence-kubangelwa indlala yecala. I-Paradox: ngakumbi nangakumbi sinethuba lokufumana iimvakalelo ezintsha, kunye naso sonke indlala yecala! Akukho nto emangalisayo, kuba siphila ngexesha lee-ersatz-sensation. Njengoko kunokuba kuvezwe ibhanali, asinakho uqhagamshelwano olwaneleyo kunye nemvelo, izandi zendalo kunye nama-aromas. Ewe, sibukela iifilimu ze-ZD, siya kwiivenkile kunye nesitya esinokutyelela, siya kutyelela i-SPA, kodwa umzimba wethu nomphefumlo wethu usenako ukubonakala kwimvelo - imihlangano e-dacha apho ihlaba i-jam ne-pine shavings; abantu abaqhelekileyo basemaphandleni okanye umsebenzi wabasetyhini, ukunxibelelana nabantu abasondeleyo - kungekhona nabalingani bezoshishino, kodwa kunye nabahlobo ... Xa umntu engabonakaliyo "aphile," uziziva ephangiwe kwaye uqala ukuzalisekisa ukulahleka kwabo - ekuhambeni ukutya , nangakumbi kotywala. Indoda inxanela ubomi, kodwa ayikwazi ukumyanelisa. Luhlobo luni lomntu onokuthiwa lizimeleyo?
Ndicinga ukuba ivumelanisa, iyanelisekile. Uzimeleyo unokuthiwa ngumntu owaziyo ukusebenzisana nehlabathi ukwenzela ukuba alondoloze ukulinganisela phakathi kokunika "nokuthatha". Ukuba sithela kuphela ihlabathi, siphuthuma ngokukhawuleza njengabantu ngabanye. Ukuba kuphela sithatha - singabathengi banal. Umntu ozimeleyo nguye okwazi ukuqonda iitalente zakhe, izakhono, ngelizwi, owathi uceba icebo likaThixo. Kwaye okubaluleke kakhulu - umntu ozimeleyo, ukuba kuxhomekeke kwinto nayiphi na, ngokokuthanda kwakhe, ukuba yiyiphi inkosi, kodwa kungekhona kwintando yesinye. Sinenombolo yehlobo. Ndiyathanda ukuba sonke sibe nesimo sehlobo sasehlobo kwaye ndivumele ndikuxelele enye i-anecdote. Imfazwe. Amajoni aseSoviet, engabambeleli ubomi bawo, atyathele ububanzi belizwe lawo. Bazihlanganisana nazo zonke izinto: igazi, iilusi, ukuhlaselwa ... Akunakukwazi ukuzisebenzisa nje kwizifundo zezopolitiko - ngoko babe nabaqeqeshi bezopolitiko. Kwaye emva kwemfazwe, elinye ipolitiki, emva koko umfundisi wezopolitiko uthi: "Ngoku ke wena, Ivan, kunye nawe, Efim, ubhale isicelo kwiqela, ungobuchule bokulwa, sincoma." Bhala. U-Ivan: "Ukuba baya kundibulala, khawucinge njengomkhomanisi." UFima: "Ukuba bayandibulala, khawucinge ngamakominisi. Ukuba akunjalo, ke akukho. "