Abazali abaninzi baye kwi-psychologist ngombuzo: kutheni umntwana esaba abanye abantwana? Enyanisweni, le ngxaki ayifuni ukusuka ekuqaleni. Ekuqaleni wonke umntwana onempilo uvulekile ukunxibelelana. Nangona kunjalo, ihlabathi labantwana lihlukile kwilizwe elidala. Yaye ukuba umntwana wakho wesaba, ngoko kukho isizathu. Ngokuqhelekileyo, umntwana uya kuqala ukwesaba abanye abantwana ukuba ufumene amava amanxibelelwano.
Inyaniso kukuba, xa esemncinci, abantwana abasenayo inkqubo efanelekileyo ngokweenkqubo. Ngoko ke, xa umntwana eqala ukuthetha kunye noontanga, ukholelwa ukuba wonke umntu uya kumthanda, kodwa ngelo xesha ahlale engacingi ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Xa uqaphela ukuba umntwana uloyiko ngabanye abantwana, kuthetha ukuba bamcaphukisa, kwaye ngoku akakwazi ukuba enze njani. Ngako oko, akakwazi ukulungisa iingxaki ngokuchanekileyo, kuba yena engekaze kwenzeke ngaphambili, uyethusa ngokungaziwayo.
Njani ukunqoba ukwesaba?
Ukuze banqabise ukwesaba kwabantwana, abazali kufuneka baqonde ukuba oku akusiyinto ephosakeleyo okanye ubudenge. Kule minyaka, iintsana zibuhlungu kakhulu. Isimo sengqondo sabanye abantu sibaluleke kakhulu kubo kule minyaka. Ngoko ke, ukuba awukwazi ukujamelana noloyiko lokunxibelelana nomntwana, ngoko unokukhulela unsociable kwaye engakhuselekanga. Zigweba wena, kuba umntwana ushaya umntwana omnye okanye uthabathe into yokudlala, uyothuswa ngokwenene, kuba akayiyo yonke into esetyenziswayo kwintsapho. Ngoko ke, kwindawo yokuqala, abazali kufuneka babonise umntwana ukuba akananto yokwesaba, kuba unokuhlala unomnceda. Kodwa apha ngokukhawuleza kufuneka uqaphele: ungaze uqale ukucombulula iingxabano endaweni yomntwana. Ukuba uya rhoqo kubazali babanye abantwana kunye nomkhalazo, intsana ayinakuze ifunde ukujongana neengxaki zakhe. Nangona xa ekhula, ingqondo yakhe iya kuba neengcamango ezicacileyo zokungazinzi ukuxazulula nayiphi na ingxabano. Ngoko ke, kufuneka ubonise umntwana indlela yokusombulula ingxaki, kodwa unokuthatha inxaxheba ngokuthe ngqo kulo mzali nje njengesithuba sokugqibela.
Umzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho unomnye umntwana ofuna ukuthatha ithoyizi ngaphandle kwemfuno, mbuze: "Ngaba ubucele imvume?" Kulesi sizathu, abantwana bahamba okanye baqale ukuthetha nomntwana wakho. Ewe, ukhetho lwesibini lubhetele ngakumbi, njengoko intetho iqala phakathi kwabantwana. Ngendlela, ukuba umntwana wakho wenqaba ukunika ithoyilo, akudingeki ukuba ufake ingcinezelo kuye. Unelungelo lokuzimisela kokubili kwaye akavumelekanga. Oku kufuneka kuqondwe nguwe kunye nabanye abantwana. Nangona kunjalo, umntu unokubuza isizathu sokuba akafuni ukunika umdlalo kwaye uxhomekeka kwiimpendulo zakhe, ukumkholisa ukuba adlale abanye abantwana okanye avumelane nombono womntwana wakhe. Khumbula ukuba ukukhusela iminqweno yakho nokunyanzela kuyinto ehluke ngokupheleleyo.
Ukuvakalelwa ngenkxaso evela kubazali
Xa umntwana encinci, kufuneka ahlale eva inkxaso evela kubazali bakhe. Ingakumbi kwimeko xa abanye abantwana bezama ukumbetha. Ngendlela, abaninzi babuza malunga nokuba umntwana kufuneka afundiswe ukuba "anike utshintsho". Enyanisweni, lo mbuzo awukwazi ukuphendulwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo, kuba ukuba umntwana ubuthakathaka kunomdlali wakhe, ekugqibeleni uya kuba ngumntu olahlekileyo. Kodwa ngakwelinye icala, akunakwenzeka ukuba uhlale uthe cwaka kwaye ungamkeli. Ngoko ke, xa umntwana eselula kakhulu (uneminyaka engaphantsi kweminyaka emithathu ubudala), emva kokubona ukuba bambetha, abazali mabayeke ngokukhawuleza ukulwa baze batshele abanye abantwana ukuba oku akunakwenziwa. Xa abantwana bekhula, ungabanika kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo zemidlalo. Oku kunjalo ngokukodwa kubafana. Kule meko, umntwana uya kuhlala ekwazi ukuzimela. Nangona kunjalo, abazali bafanele bambonise ukuba ngaphambi kokuhlaselwa kungafikelelwa kuphela njengesigqibo sokugqibela. Yenza ukuba unyana wakho okanye intombi yakho ikwazi ukuba ngokuqhelekileyo, iingxabano zingasombululwa ngokukhawuleza, ngoncedo lwamagama, ukuhleka kweentloni kunye nokuhlambalaza. Ewe, ngelixa umntwana esincinane, mbonise ukuba uhlala ecaleni, uxhase kwaye uqonde, ngoko akukho nto yokwesaba. Ukuba uyaziqinisekisa ukuba abazali bakhe baya kuhlala bekwazi ukumnceda, uya kukhula ngaphandle kweengxaki kunye neemvakalelo zokungaphantsi.