Ungamthinta njani umfana ofuna ukutshata naye

Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ungathini kumntu ofuna ukutshata naye, ngoko unemvakalelo enzulu neyomeleleyo kuye. Intombazana nganye kufuneka iqonde ukuba kunokwenzeka ukutshata kuphela emva kokuqwalasela ngokucokisekileyo le sigqibo nokulinganisela zonke iingxaki kunye neengxaki. Ngokuqinisekileyo, yonke intombazana inqwenela ukugqoka ingubo emhlophe ibe yintsapho enye ubuncinane. Kodwa kusenjalo kufuneka uqonde ukuba isinyathelo esibalulekileyo asikwenziwanga ngosuku lweholide. Kwaye kuyimfuneko ukuba uqaphele nje kuphela wena, kodwa naloo mntu.

Ukuba ungathanda ukutshata ukuze umbophe kwaye uziqinisekise ukuba le ndoda ayiyi kuhamba naphi na - ndiyakucasula. Ukutshata, oku akuthethi ukuba ufumane ukuziva nokunyaniseka komntu. Okungenakungafuni, kodwa umntu akanako ukuthengwa, ukunyanzeliswa okanye ukubopha. Nangona udala iimeko ezinjalo, xa ungeke uthabatheke kuye, kodwa utsho ngokucacileyo ukuba kufuneka akutshatile, ngoko ke, nokuba ufumana imvume, awukwazi ukufumana inzondo kodwa uthando. Umfana uya kuba ngumthwalo wokuba ube kufuphi nawe, kwaye ubudlelwane buya kuba yinyanzelo yomsebenzi. Emva kwexesha, unokuthi aphinde athi, mhlawumbi uthethe ngokucacileyo ukuba, eneneni, akakudingi, kwaye wenza njengoko wayefanele. Ngoko ke, ukuba ufuna ukutshata nomntu kwaye uyonwabile ngokwenene, phendula ngokunyanisekileyo umbuzo: Ngaba ubuhlobo bakho sele buqine kakhulu kwaye bunzulu? Ukuba wena ngokwakho awukwazi ukuphendula lo mbuzo wena kunye nentombazana, zama ukunyathelisa loo mfana, ukuba nencoko engekhoyo kunye naye kwaye ufumanise oko acinga malunga nokusemthethweni ubudlelwane.

Kodwa ke siya kubuya kumbuzo: indlela yokumnceda umfana onokuthanda ukutshata naye? Masithi uyabona ukuba uyakuthanda kwaye ufuna ukuhlala ndawonye ubomi bakhe bonke. Emva koko, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba kutheni engazange aqale ukuthetha ngomtshato. Ngokuqhelekileyo, impendulo yalo mbuzo iphezulu kummandla kwaye iyancipha kwizinto eziphathekayo. Amadoda amaninzi akaqapheli ukuthatha inyathelo elibi kangaka, kuba bacinga ukuba: andinakuyinika umfazi wam intanda yonke into enokuyinqwenela yona, kuba kusasa kakhulu ukuba anike isandla kunye nentliziyo. Vumelani, kuba ngendlela yabo banjalo abantu abaselula banelungile. Kuphela kwiibhayisikobho ezenziwa ngamazulu kwindlu. Kwaye, enyanisweni, iingxaki zemihla ngemihla kunye neengxaki zihlala ziphulwe ngisho nothando olunamandla kakhulu. Ngoko kufuneka ucinge malunga nokuba unako ukunyamezela ubunzima, ukunyamezela ukuba ininzi iya kufikeleleka kuwe, kwaye uyayithanda kwaye uyiqonde umfana wakho. Ukuba ubuncinci bengaqinisekanga, musa ukukhawuleza emtshatweni. Ukuba nithandana, isitampu epasipoti sinokulinda iminyaka embalwa. Ngoko ulinde de uze ufike ezinyaweni zakho, qala ukufumana ngokwaneleyo ukubonelela ngaloo ntsapho ubomi obusoloko uphuphayo.

Ukuba uyaqonda ukuba awukwazi ukunyamekela iingxaki zezinto eziphathekayo, kwaye into ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe ukuba ube kufuphi nomntu obizayo, ngoko uthetha naye ngaye. Musa ukuqala incoko ngokubuza ngqo umbuzo: awufuni ukutshata, kuba asinayo imali? Kungcono nje ukuthetha naye malunga nokuba iibini ezininzi zibaluleke kakhulu ukuba zikwazi ukuhlala zihle kwaye ziphumle kakuhle, kwaye ukuba oko kungenjalo, ngoko ke isibini sibini, ngokulandelanayo. Kodwa kuwe izinto ezinjalo azibalulekanga nakakhulu. Hayi, ngokuqinisekileyo, ungathanda ukuhlala kakuhle, kodwa ucinga ukuba ukususela kwinqanaba lokusinda kwiimfuno ziqhelekileyo kunoma yimuphi umbhangqwana oselula. Kusemfuneko ukuba sisebenzisane kunye, sisekelane, kwaye emva kwexesha elifutshane yonke into iya kuba yinto efana nayo. Into ephambili kukuba ibe kunye, ukuba ngumyeni nomfazi.

Incoko enjalo kufuneka ifuthe umntu. Uya kuba nako ukufikelela kwizigqibo zakhe kwaye aqonde ukuba awuyi kumyeka ukumthanda ukuba awufumani ubutyebi obuphathekayo onokuthandayo. Ukuba unokukwazi ukuthetha le ncinane kumntu oselula, mhlawumbi uza kukunika umnikelo-kwaye uza kuqala ubomi bakho bentsapho.

Yisiphi esinye isizathu sokuba loo mntu atyathe kunye nesibonelelo sesandla nentliziyo? Enyanisweni, azincinci kakhulu. Umzekelo, umfana uvakalelwa kukuba usengumncinci, ngoko uloyiko ukuzibandakanya kunye nento ebalulekileyo kunye nexesha elide. Indlela yokwenza ntoni kulo mzekelo? Okokuqala, kuya kuba kuhle ukuhlalutya ubuhlobo bakho ngokucokisekileyo kwaye uqonde ukuba kulungile ukutshata nomntu onjalo. Ewe, uthando luyinto enamandla kakhulu, kodwa ihamba ngexesha, xa uqaphela ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuba uthembele kumntu wakho, ngenxa yokuba akazange akhule, ngoko akafuni kwaye akanakukwazi ukuthwala uxanduva lwamagama kunye nezenzo zakhe. Enyanisweni, nalo mfana kuya kuba nzima nakakhulu ngonyaka. Ukuba uyaqonda ukuba awufuni kwaye awukwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kwalo, unako ukukhetha ezimbini: ukwenza utshintsho okanye uqinisekise ukuba ukulungele ukuthatha zonke iingxaki, ukuba uhlala kuphela emtshatweni.

Unokulungisa njani umfana? Ewe, oku akusiyo yonke into elula, kuba umntu sele ejwayele ukuhlala njengalokhu kwaye akafuni ukutshintsha into eyedwa. Nantsi ikarita enkulu yexilongo ingaba uthando lwakhe kuwe. Ukuba uyayazi into endiyithandayo, faka umbuzo ngokukhawuleza: mhlawumbi uqala ukuziphatha njengomntu omdala oqhelekileyo, okanye uhamba. Akuyimfuneko nje ukuthetha oku, kodwa ukucacisa ngokucacileyo kumntu oko akuphosakeleyo malunga nendlela ekufuneka ilungiswe ngayo. Kufuneka ukuba uziphathe ngendlela enje into yokuba le ncinane iyayiqonda: ukuba akenzi nto kwikusasa elikufutshane, kuya kufuneka ufune ukuthetha.

Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngeemvakalelo zakhe, kodwa awufuni ukuhlala ngaphandle kwakhe, ngoko uhlala nje ukubonisa ukuba unakho kwaye uya kuthatha yonke into, kwaye kufuneka nje ukuba sisondele. Inokwenzeka ukuba, insizwa encinci iya kulungelelanisa ukhetho olunjalo olufanelekileyo, oluphela ukunyaniseka okungunaphakade noluthando lokwenene alunakuthenjwa. Ngokuqinisekileyo, olu khetho alunakubizwa ngokuba lufanelekileyo kwaye lufanelekile, kodwa elowo umfazi unelungelo lokugqiba ukuba yintoni ubomi obuya kuphila kuyo, yintoni yokubingelelwa nokuba yintoni.