Intlekele ekupheleni
Kwimveli kaWilliam Styroon "U-Sophie's Choice" i-heroine, eyawela kwinkampu yenkampu, iGestapo yenza ukhetho ebomini kwimeko enzima kakhulu: omnye wabantwana bakhe ababini - unyana okanye intombi-baya kubulawa ngokukhawuleza, kwaye ngubani oya kusindiswa ubomi. Ukuphendula lo mbuzo, wazigweba kwiminyaka yokubandezeleka kwaye, nangona wayebalekele kwinkampu yenkampu, wazibulala, akakwazi ukuvalelwa enetyala.
Ngaba ucinga ukuba ngaphambi kokunye okunjalo kunye nokukhetha ebomini yimeko elula kunzima, ibhinqa lingafakwa kuphela kwimfazwe? Hayi, hayi. Emva kwe tsunami eThailand ngo-2004, ihlabathi lonke lijikeleza ibali lase-Australia iGillian Searle. Wayehleli elunxwemeni kunye noonyana bakhe: unyaka kunye nesiqingatha uBlake kunye noLachi oneminyaka eli-5 ubudala, xa kufika umbane wokuqala. UGillian wabamba abantwana - kwaye waqonda ukuba wayekhutshwa yile yangoku olwandle.
Ukuze uzisindise , kwafuneka ubambe phezu kwesiqu somthi wesundu, oko kuthetha ukuba enye yabantwana kufuneka ikhutshwe. "Ndagqiba isigqibo sokuba kuya kuba ngcono ukuba bekudala," watsho kubavakalisi. Kodwa uLachi wayengenakudada, wayetya amanzi waza wancenga unina ukuba amsindise. UGillian wabuza ibhinqa ukuba ibambe inkwenkwe ecaleni kwayo. Yonke into eyenzeka ngemizuzwana, kwaye ngoku ilahlekelwe yindodana yakhe. Eli bali, ngokungafani neveli, linomphefumlo ocolileyo. U-Australiya walondoloza umntwana, kwaye umdala yena nomyeni wakhe bavalela emva kweeyure ezimbini emva kwe ntlekele: nangona lona wesifazane wesinye isizwe wayiphonsa nayo, wahamba ngandlela-thile njengenja ehotele waza wenyuka waya egumbini apho amanzi sele esele ebale khona. Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa emva koko, xa i-Searles yafika ekhaya, le nkwenkwe yayisakhala ngokuqhubekayo kwaye ibambe isandla sikamama.
UGilian wahamba njani ngale nto? Kutheni wamvumela ukuba ahambe kumntwana omdala? Ngaba wayengazi ukuba ashukume, nje ngomncinci? Ngenxa yokuba isigqibo kufuneka senziwe ngokukhawuleza, kwakunzima ukhetho ebomini, ngokusekelwe kwiimvakalelo zakhe zangempela kunye nempembelelo engqondweni, ngaphandle kokuqwalasela izimvo zabanye okanye imigaqo yokuziphatha. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, xa, kuthi, kufuneka ukhethe ukuba ngubani ozokusindisa emlilweni: umfazi okanye umntwana, umntu uhlangula umntu obaluleke kakhulu kuye ngezizathu ezifanelekileyo. Basindisa lowo abathandayo, okanye lowo baziva benetyala, okanye "oba nzima", uthi, umntwana osekupheleni kwaye ohluphekayo. Izizathu zingahluka.
Into ebalulekileyo kukuba lo mfazi wenza ukhetho ebomini kunzima, kwaye akazange amshiye, mhlawumbi wonk 'ubani ufile. Unomama olungileyo, kuba wayenomdla wokuziva ukuba yeyiphi na abantwana abanamathuba amaninzi. Yaye waba nomvuzo ngenxa yesibindi sikaThixo okanye ukuphela kwayo.
Ubungcamango malunga namawele
Unyulo oluzayo ebomini lunzima kunzima kwiimeko ezinzima - ilingo elincinci eliwela kwinqanaba labantu abambalwa. Kodwa ngamnye wethu wayenokukhetha umsebenzi, amadoda, abahlobo, ikamva. Kutheni kunzima ukukhetha?
Kuba kufuneka silahle onke amathuba ngaphandle kweyodwa. Sifumana kwangaphambili njengokwahlukana, ukulahlekelwa yinto ebalulekileyo. Omnye isigulane sogqirha wengqondo, intombazana eselula, ayizange ikwazi ukukhulelwa ixesha elide, yenza imizamo emininzi yokutshatyalaliswa kwangoku, kwaye ekugqibeleni, oogqirha bathi yonke into yayilungiselelwe. Kodwa uqobo lwale ndlela kukuba amaqanda amaninzi azaliswa ngokukhawuleza. Kwakudingeka ukhethe ukuba yeyiphi ikhefu yokushiya kunye nawaphi ukususa. Ngamnye wabantwana abaza kuba yinto evuyisayo, wonke umntu unokuba ngumongameli, onobumnandi, u-Olympic iqhawe, ngumntwana onobubele nothando ... Ngaphantsi kweempembelelo ngokuzala umama onokuvuya, akakwazi ukukhetha nokushiya amaqanda amane. Ngoku unamawele amane, kwaye unokucinga ukuba ngumthwalo onzima gqitha oku. Eli bhinqa lincenga kum ngenxa yokuba ukukhathazeka kwabantwana akumvumeli ukuba aphile ubomi obuqhelekileyo. Ufihla zonke izinto ezibukhali, wambethe indlu nge-alamu, ubusuku cishe akalala kwaye akanako ukuhlala yedwa kunye nabantwana - kuphela phambi kwendoda yakhe. Enyanisweni, iingcamango zakhe ezinzulu malunga neengozi okanye ukuhlaselwa kwabaphangi zibangelwa kukuba unyanzelekile inzondo yakhe kubantwana kwi-subconscious. Ewe, akwaziyo ngalo. Umama onakekelayo kwaye onothando, unomxholo wokuba ngumama olungeleyo, ingcamango yokuba ngumfazi ayifani nanye, umama obalaseleyo ongazange alahlekelwe ngabantwana bakhe (nakwizinga leqanda). Kodwa kubiza ukuba kubiza iindleko!
Imizekelo efanayo , xa umntu akakwazi ukukhetha kumathuba amabini ahle kakhulu, kuba unenceba yeengcamango ezingamanga, luyingxokolo. Omnye isigulane sogqirha wengqondo sexesha elide sithandabuza ukuba senze njani: ukuhlala nomyeni wakhe, umntu onobuqilileyo, ofihlakeleyo, ofundiswe naye wayehlala enomdla, okanye waya kumthandi wakhe - naye akayibuwula, kodwa elula, kodwa ngemali, ukungena, mpu melelo. Ndikhethe ukuqhawula umtshato, nditshatile umthandi, kodwa uyaqhubeka ndihlupheka. Akwanele ukwenza ukhetho lwangaphandle, olu sisenzo. Into ephambili kukuba ukhetho lwangaphakathi. Ukuba umntu ulungele ukujamelana nokulahlekelwa kwelinye lamathuba, kukho ukuphathwa kwengqondo kunye nengqondo yokulahleka, njengokuba ngabagqirha bathi, inkqubo yokulila. Ukuqhawulwa, ungahlala uphila. Kodwa abaninzi abakwazi ukufumana ukulahlekelwa, ubomi babo buya kuba isihogo. Eli bhinqa alisayi kuphinda alahlekelwa yilahleko, uhlala elahleka into ethile, unenkxwaleko. Akazange enze ukhetho lwangaphakathi. Kuyabonakala kuye ukuba abe neqabane elijongene nazo zonke iimfuno zakhe: zombini oqilileyo, novuyo, kunye nokuzibandakanya, kunye nobutyebi. Kodwa ngokwenene oku akukwenzekayo.
Indawo yokuhlala
Esinye isizathu sokuba kukhetha ubomi kubunzima ngokwaneleyo, kuba ngumsebenzi onzima-ukungafuni ukuthatha uxanduva. Ukususela kumbono kaDemyan Popov, kwinkcubeko yethu ukhetho luyinkimbinkimbi kukuba thina, ngokungafani namaYurophu kunye namaMerika, ngokuqhelekileyo sidibene ngokusondeleyo kunye nabazali, intsapho, intsapho. Sifanele sizithobele kwaye sisekele abantwana, sinika unxibelelwano olunamandla phakathi kwezizukulwana. IWadi, ngakwesinye icala, inika ingqiqo yokhuseleko, kwenye - ayivumeli ukukhula. Abantu abaselula abafuniyo kwaye abazi ukuba baphendule njani ubomi babo. Ngokomzekelo, umfana osandul 'usebenzise nje ngxaki: uyaphumelela kwikholejini, kodwa akayithandi i-specialty, kwaye akayi kukwenza isigqibo sokuba enze ntoni. Ndazama omnye umsebenzi, omnye, ndayeka kwaye ndihlala ekhaya, kumama phantsi kwephiko. Kubonakala ngathi lo lukhethi olukhethekileyo, kodwa ngokwenene lukhetho phakathi kwamathuba amabini: ukukholisa ubomi bomntu omdala kunye nayo yonke imilinganiselo yayo kunye neentlanzi okanye ukuhlala umntwana. Mhlobo, intombazana, utata uchukumisa umntu ukuba athole, ekugqibeleni, umsebenzi othile, waba ngumzimela. Intombazana isongela ukuhamba. Abahlobo abasammemele kwi-cafe, kuba akanakho imali. Ngelo xesha, umama ulungile, akukho nto inokukhathazeka ngayo. Lo mfana ufuna ukugqiba inkqubo yokwahlula, eyenzekayo kwiinqanaba eziliqela: ukusika intambo, ukuluma, iklasi yokuqala, ixesha lokutshatyalaliswa, kwaye ke amatshontsho kufuneka aphume kwidleke. Ukuhlukana kunzima xa abantwana abadala behlala nabazali babo.
Amakhanda asekhaya aquka umama nomyeni isifo seentsapho eziphoqelelwe ukuba zihlale kwintsimi enye. Ngokutsho kukaDemyan Popov, kwimeko apho umfazi ehamba "phakathi kwemililo emibili" - intukuthelo yomama ongazange amkholise umkhwenyana kunye netyala lomkhwenyana ongathandanga uninazala - ukhetho aluyiyo. Umfazi omdala kufuneka akwazi ukudweba umgca phakathi kobomi bakhe kunye nosapho lwabazali bakhe. Unokuphulaphula iingxabano zezihlobo, kodwa kufuneka uqinisekise ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba nangona uyabathanda, uya kujongana nobomi bakho ngokuzimeleyo. Kuyafana nobudlelwane bomyeni kunye nezihlobo zakhe.
Xa umntu ethatha uxanduva kwaye wenza ukhetho ebomini kwiimeko ezinzima kuzo zonke izenzo zakhe, kuba lula ukuhlala. Kufika umxholo wenkululeko. Kukhona ithuba lokuqonda, endaweni yokuzalisekisa iiminqweno nemibono yomntu. Xa umntu eqonda, uhlala ubomi obonwabileyo, ukhetho olutsha luba luhlungu kakhulu kuye, kuba uyamkela ilahleko ngokulula.
Daffodils kwiTitanic
Isiphumo ngasinye sokhetho olunokubaluleka ebomini luyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, eliphambi kwethu lucaciswe ngaphambili ngembali yethu kunye nesakhiwo sengqondo. Umzekelo, ukuba isigqibo esenziwe senza umonakalo kumntu, abaninzi abantu banomuzwa wecala. Kodwa kuphela abanye benza ukhetho olubalulekileyo ngaphantsi kwefuthe loluvo. Omnye umntu endaziwayo, indoda eyatshatileyo, yaxhwaleka kakhulu ekhefu kunye nenkosikazi encinci, kodwa yayingazange icinge nangomtshato. Kumfazi wakhe ubophe umthwalo kunye novelwano: uyagula ngesifo sikashukela.
Ingqondo eqhelekileyo yecala ifakwe kwisakhiwo se-psyche. Abazali bayichazela umntwana ukuba yenzeni ntoni, kwaye yintoni engenakuyenza, ngaloo ndlela yenze i-super-ego yakhe. Ukwenza izinto ezingalunganga, uziva enetyala. Kodwa ebuntwini bendawo yokudakagxeka ngokwemvelo, ingqondo yecala ikhula kwinqanaba le-pathological. Kwaye, ngokuchaseneyo, kubantu be-psychopathic uhlobo, i-super-ego kunye necala lisekho ngokusemthethweni - litshintshwa nguloyiko. I-psychopath iya kwenza isigqibo, ikhokelwe nguloyiko, kwaye iimfuno zabanye abantu azikhathazi nhlobo. I-Psychopath ihlala ingabantwana abangenamakhaya okanye abantwana abavela kwiintsapho ezingasebenzi kakuhle, ezingabakho mntu onokunyamekela.
Kodwa ubuntu bendawo yokugcina i-narcissism inentloni enkulu. Ukuba siziva sinetyala xa senza into engahambisani nemigangatho yangaphakathi, ihlazo luloyiko lokujonga okubi emehlweni abo. Kwi-narcissist, kungenakuzekeliswa ukubonakalisa ubuthathaka, ukungaqiniseki, ukufuna into ethile. Kwezinye iimeko, wayekhetha ukunikela ubomi bakhe kunokuba azithobe phambi komntu. Makhe sikhumbule, umzekelo, ibali elibuhlungu le-Titanic. Ngelixa abagibeli beklasi yesithathu neyesithathu baqhubhisa izikebhe, abaphathi begumbi lokuhlala babethwala i-champagne. Imfundo ayizange ivumele ukuba bathathe inxaxheba kule ngxabano engcolileyo. Bakhetha ukutshabalalisa, kodwa ukugcina isithunzi.
Ubuntu bento ebizwa ngokuba yi-obsessive-compulsive type luba neengcamango nezenzo ezigqithisileyo, ngoko, akunakuze wenze ukhetho lokugqibela. Loo mntu uza kutshintsha izigqibo ngokungapheliyo okanye angafuni ukukhetha konke, kuba uyamthusa. Kukhethiweyo akayikubona, kodwa izibatha: ngakwesokhohlo uya kuhamba - uya kulahleka ihashe, ngakwesokudla uya kuhamba - ikrele liza kuphuka ... Xa abanye banikela ngcebiso kulo mntu, uhlala efumana ukuphikisa: "Kuhle, kodwa ...".
Isizathu sokungahambi kakuhle sinokuthi silale kwenye: ukwesaba ulwaphulo. Udlwengulo lukhoyo kuwo wonke umntu, kodwa kubantu abathile ukubonakaliswa kwawo akuvumelekile. Ukuba intshutshiso yentsapho ibhekwe into engavumelekanga neyoyikisayo, okanye ukuba abazali abazange bavumele umntwana ukuba abonise iimfuno zabo kunye neemvakalelo zinyani, ukhula engakhuselekanga, oxhomekeke kuye, kunye nolutsha. Ukuba neziphumo ezifanayo kunokukhokelela ekutshitshweni okunamandla ebuntwaneni. Enye inkwenkwe, xa yayisemncinci, yaxabela enye inkwenkwe ngelitye kwaye yayisoyika kakhulu ukuba yayimbulale. Ukususela ngoko, kukho ukuvinjelwa kwangaphakathi kobugwenxa kuye. Akavumi umsindo, akayiqondi ukuba uyacaphuka, akanakuxhathisa iimpembelelo zangaphandle kwaye ngenxa yoko uphila ubomi bomnye umntu. Umsebenzi wethu kukumnceda uqonde umsindo wakhe, uze ufunde indlela yokubonisa ngayo.
Umzekelo ocacileyo womntu onjalo yiqhawe le "I-autumn Marathon". Akakwazi ukuphika nabani na, ukucaphukisa nabani na, kwaye kungenxa yoko akakwazi ukukhetha phakathi kwabafazi ababini. Ngexesha elithile, xa intaba enkulu yongezwa kwiingxaki ezinkulu, ngokukhawuleza iqhubhisa: uyamemela kwintsebenziswano eye yahlala entanyeni iminyaka emininzi; wenqabana ukuxhaphaza izandla kunye ne-scoundrel. Umbukeli unethemba lokuba uza kufikelela kwizandla zakhe, yenza isigqibo esibalulekileyo ... Kodwa oku kuyingcamango. Isiphelo sesiganeko sibonisa umdlali wegagasi ehamba phantsi kwemvula ekwindla: yena, njengenjalo, ubalekela kwimingeni ebomi ephosa.