Kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo yonke into imnandi de kube yimini xa ifika kubantwana. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abo babengumntwana omnye, bafuna ezimbini, okanye ezintathu, kuba babefuna umnina okanye udade. Umlingane okhulile kwintsapho enkulu, kwaye enokuzibona zonke iintlungu kunye nemihlali yobomi obunjalo, kuqala ukuvavanya amathuba akho, kunyanzelekile kumntwana omnye.
Ukuyicombulula njani le meko? Kwaye kungcono njani intsapho? Masizame ukufumana impendulo kulo mbuzo.
Ukuba ukhangeleka kwimbono yentlalo, yindlela efanelekileyo, ukuphucula imeko yabantu kwilizwe, inani labantwana kwintsapho kufuneka libe lintathu. Kwixesha elizayo, omnye uya kutshintsha uyise, omnye umama, kunye nesithathu-kunye nomnye kubantu bonke. Kodwa ekusebenziseni ezintathu ezininzi zixazululwa, kuba le shishini ayilona nje ingxaki, kodwa ixabisa.
Ukumisela inani elifanelekileyo labantwana kwintsapho, into yokuqala yokunyamekela ingqalelo kwimiba yezinto eziphathekayo, kunye nemozulu yengqondo kwintsapho. Ukushiya le ngcaciso, sele sele kunokwenzeka ukuba kuhlolwe ngokucacileyo ukuba ngabazali beza kwenzeka.
Kwaye kwenzeka ngaphandle koonyana.
Kukho iindwendwe apho umbuzo wabantwana ongeke uvele. Akunjalo kuba yonke into isigqityiweyo ekuqaleni kwaye igxininisekile, kodwa ngenxa yokuba le ntsapho ayifuni ukuba nabantwana, okanye ayikwazi ukuyenza ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo. Ngoku iintsapho ezingenazo abantwana zaqala ukudibana ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunaphambili. Iphutha yimeko yezempilo, isikhundla sezemali, ingqondo yengqondo, okanye inzondelelo yokwandisa umsebenzi.
Ewe, ukuba akunakwenzeka ukukhulelwa ngenxa yezizathu zomzimba, ngoko kukho ukhetho olunjengokuba ngumama okanye ukutholwa komntwana. Kodwa kwenzeka, kwaye ngokungafuneki kwesibini esitshatileyo ukufumana umntwana, njengomthombo weengxaki ezingenasidingo kunye neengxaki. Kuchanekile okanye akunjalo, akunjalo ukuba sigwebe. Ukususela kumbono womntwana, kubhetele ukungazalwanga, kunokuba uzalwe kuphela ngumthi, ukuba abamelwane ababukeli kubazali babo.
1
Xa intsapho isacinga ukuba nezingane, yonke into iqala ngokuqala ngomntwana omnye. Nangona kutshanje iimeko zamamawele namawele ziye zanda rhoqo. Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba ngokuza komntwana osinde ixesha elide, abazali baye apho. Isizathu salolu thintelo ngumbono wangempela wabazali ngeemeko zabo zezimali kunye nokuvavanywa kwamathuba ekusasa. Emva koko, umntwana akwanele ukuzala, kufuneka aphakanyiswe, aphakanyiswe, afundiswe kwaye abekwe ngenyawo. Akukho nendima encinci idlalwe ngumbandela wezindlu. Ukuba unako ukudibanisa neyodwa inkunzi enye kwindlu yegumbi elilodwa, ke ngeentsana ezimbini zinkathazo. Nangona abaninzi banokukwazi ukwakha kwaye njalo. Njengomnye umfazi othe wathetha, ngubani owayenentombi kuphela: "Ndingathanda ukuba nomntwana wesibini, kodwa andiyikucinga ukuba ndingayifaka kuphi isikhalazo sesibili ..". Iingxelo apha zizingekho.
Kodwa kukho ezininzi izinto ezintle zengxaki yomntwana omnye kwintsapho. Okokuqala, abantwana abanjengobudala basemncinci, bahlala bephantsi kwaye banakekelwa ngabazali babo. Ngokuqhelekileyo abantwana abanjalo banokukhula baze bazixhomekeke. Kwinkqubo yobomi bafundiswa kwakhona, kodwa umkhwa wokuhlala "phantsi kwephiko", ngamanye amaxesha uhlala ubomi. Kukho nempembelelo yento enjalo ngokuthi "kufanele". Xa umntwana ekhula, uqala ukufuna, kodwa kuye. Kufanele afunde kakuhle, aphumelele kwimidlalo, angene, aye emsebenzini omhle, athade, abele abantwana kwaye konke oku phantsi kwesiqubulo esithi "kufuneka" kwaye phantsi koxinzelelo lwabazali. Iyiphi indlela engcono kakhulu echaphazela ngayo.
2
Xa abazali begqiba ukuthatha inyathelo elinoxanduva, kwaye baxhomekeke ekukhutsheni komntwana ukuthenga umzalwana okanye udade-umntwana wesibini ubonakala kwintsapho. Ekuqaleni, ukubonakala kwe-second crumb ayithinteli kakhulu imeko yemali yabazali. Iingxaki ziqala nangona abantwana beya esikolweni, bangena kwiziko, kodwa abazali bahlala bejamelana nabo. Isizathu sokubonakala komntwana wesibini luhlobo lwesimo esicacileyo sokuthi intombazana kunye nentombazana bazalwa kwintsapho. Kule mizuzu, inani labantwana alisekho mkhulu, kodwa ngenxa yesini.
Ngamanye amaxesha abazali, ngale ndlela, bahlule "ukwahlula" abantwana, ngokubhekiselele kubo nabani na abafuna ngaphezulu.
Ukususela kumbono womntwana omdala, ukubonakala komntwana omncinci kuya kuba ngumvavanya kunye nentuthuko kuye. Emva koko, ngoku abazali bayathatyathwa phakathi kwabo, kwaye akajoliswanga kwinto enye.
Ngokufanayo, izazi zeengqondo zikholelwa ukuba abantwana ababini kwintsapho bakha izimo ezintle zokuphuhliswa kwengqondo nomzimba ngamnye komntwana.
3
Umntwana wesithathu kwintsapho ngumdlalo. Iingcali zenzululwazi zikholelwa ukuba abantwana abathathu banomdla okhethekileyo kwintsapho, ewe, ukuba kuvunyelwe eli thuba lezemali kunye neemeko zezindlu. Ngokuqhelekileyo abazali abaye bathabatha isigqibo kumntwana wesithathu kwixesha elizayo musa ukujonga ukubonakala kweyesine okanye yesihlanu. Ukuzaliswa okunjalo kunomthelela omncinci kwiimeko zengqondo kunye nemvakalelo kwintsapho. Abantwana abanjalo, abazimeleyo kunye nabaqhelekileyo, bancedana. Bawaxabisa kwaye baxabise izibophelelo zentsapho, kwaye bahlala beqhagamshelana nabo bonke ubomi.
Nika impendulo ecacileyo, echaphazela inani labantwana entsapho, kumaxesha anamhlanje kunzima. Zonke iimeko zizodwa, kwaye zinokukhetha okuhlukeneyo zophuhliso. Kumntu, ulonwabo lukwimeko yobungqina bomntwana kwintsapho, kumntu othile kwinani. Abanye banokuvumela ukuba bonke abantwana basekhaya baveliswe, kodwa banakekele omnye, kanti abanye bebhola ekugqibeleni bathabatha umdlalo wabo "webhola lebhola lebhola" oyithandayo - kwaye ngamnye wabo uyavuya ngendlela yakhe.
Okukhethiweyo kukukho, kwaye akukho mntu unelungelo lokukuyala ukuba wenze, nantoni na. Into eyona nto kukuba abantwana bentsapho banqweneleka, bathandekile kwaye balinde ixesha elide, kwaye abanye, ngemizamo yabazali, baya kulandela.