Ukhawuleza kangakanani uvavanya iqabane lakho?
Ewe. Siyakhelwe ngendlela enokuqala ngayo, sivavanya iqabane elifanelekileyo. Ikhono elibonakalayo eliye laphuhliswa ngaphezu kwezigidi ezininzi zeminyaka lisivumela ukuba sikwenze oku. Kuba bethu ookhokho le nto yayisisidingo esibalulekileyo kumzabalazo wemihla ngemihla yokusinda. Mhlawumbi namhlanje ukukhuselwa kwindoda eqinile, ekhulileyo ayikho into ebalulekileyo, kodwa, nangona kunjalo, thina kwiminyaka emithathu yokuqala emva kokuba siqhelane nenza isigqibo kwisigaba esinqununu malunga nokuba lo mnxibelelwano onokuthi abe ngumlingani ochaphazelekayo.
Enyanisweni, kuthatha ngaphantsi kweyesibili ukugqiba isigqibo sokuba ngaba ufumana umntu ekhangayo okanye engekho. Incinci, ininzi, indala kakhulu, incinci, inobungakanani, okanye inempilo - kwaye ikhutshwe ngokukhawuleza kwiphakamiso lwakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ihambelana nombono wakho jikelele we-Adonis, ingqondo ikushukumisela kwisithintelo esilandelayo: ilizwi. Kwakhona, ukusabela kwenzeka kwimizuzwana. Abasetyhini bajonga ukuthetha ngokukhawuleza okuthethayo, njengabafundi abaninzi, abantu abanamazwi aphantsi, anzulu kakhulu njengento ekhangayo.
Emva koko landela uhlalutyo lwenkulumo yomnxibelelwano. Sithanda abantu abasebenzisa i-lexicon efanayo esiyisebenzisa yona ngobomi bemihla ngemihla. Sithandwa nakwabo abanalo, okufana neyethu, iqondo lophuhliso oluqhelekileyo, ukwabelana ngexabiso lezenkolo kunye noluntu, kwaye luyimmeli yeklasi yentlalo nezoqoqosho. Konke oku sikukhawuleza ukuba sinqume ngokubonakalisa iimpawu ezibonakalayo kunye nokuhlola, ukunikela ingqalelo kwimpawu kunye namagama umntu asetyenziswayo entetho yakhe. Kakade ke, iinkcukacha ezifana neentlanzi zesikwele, ubukho besikhwama okanye isikhwama, iwashi zegolide okanye iifotto, nazo, zifaka igalelo zazo xa zihlanganisa uluvo lokuqala.
Ukuba okanye ungabi uthando ekuqaleni kokubona?
Kodwa ngaba lo mfokazi ontle, ogqoke kakuhle ngezwi elide unokunika konke okukufunayo? Kwimiba yehlabathi, sisoloko sakha uluvo lwethu kwimimiselo yokuqala yokuqala, ukuba ingxoxo iyajika, ithi, kwezopolitiko okanye kubantwana. Ngoko xa uziva ngokwenene uqhosha lokungena ngaphakathi, zizinikele kwisimo sakho semvelo.
Nangona kunjalo, uthando ekuqaleni kokubona alukwenzeka kumntu wonke ngokulandelelana. Kwimeko enye yokuhlaziywa ngu-Ayala Malak-Pines, PhD, kwiYunivesithi yaseBen-Gurion kwaSirayeli, kuphela iipesenti ezili-11 ezingama-493 abaphenduliweyo bathi ubuhlobo babo besikhathi eside baqala ngothando ekuqaleni.
Ngokunye okunye? Iingcali zengqondo zithi xa unxibelelana kakhulu nomntu omthandayo (nangona ncinane), ukutshintsha ngakumbi isimo sakho sengqondo kuye, kwaye uqale ukumphatha njengomntu onobuhle, ohlakaniphile, nofanelekileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba awufumani kuye into enokubambisana nesimo sakho sengqondo. Ngaloo ndlela, kuya kuba bubulumko ukuba singayishiyi intlanganiso yesibini kwisigqibo.
Ngamanye amaxesha kungathatha iminyaka abantu ababini ukuba baqonde ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa akukhathazeki ukuba kuthandana ekuboneni kuqala okanye uthando lokubona kwangaphambili, loo mizuzu emithathu yokuqala yentlanganiso iya kuhlala iyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kwimemori yakho yothando.